Jo Weldon by Allen Lee

Editor’s Note: When we at Pin Curl were brainstorming on what new additions to bring into the magazine for 2012, a question and answer etiquette column kept coming up.  You know- backstage etiquette, producer/performer etiquette, all sorts of burlesque related questions filled our heads. We couldn’t think of anyone’s advice we’d rather take than Miss Jo “Boobs” Weldon, Founder of the New York School of Burlesque and author of The Burlesque Handbook!  We are so thrilled that Miss Weldon is our newest monthly contributor!  Have a question you’d like Jo to answer?  Please title your email “Etiquette- _your issue___” and send to editor [at] PinCurlMag [dot] com and we will send them right over to her!

Photographs and Pasties

Since I published The Burlesque Handbook in June 2010, I’ve gotten a lot of response to it from both beginners and pros, and the most frequent comment I’ve had from experienced performers has been, “Thank you for the chapter on etiquette!” And most of them add, “Especially the part about taking pictures!”

In the guidelines for the chapter, I wrote:

1. Ask before you take pictures, and be genuinely willing to not take them. People who don’t mind being photographed doing all kinds of wild things onstage may not want to be photographed checking the crotch of their underwear for clitty litter. Or they may wish to be photographed only by professionals. This is not necessarily uptight of them. There are a lot of issues around photography and burlesque. And for god’s sake, if you post a photo online and someone asks you to take a picture down, do it!

In this era of cameras everywhere, most new performers think of their first backstage  experience as something they must document and post to as much social media as possible. I think this is a beautiful instinct, and a testament to the joyous experience most burlesque performers are having.

However, for many people, burlesque is something they treat as a job or career, and they do their best to have some input into what photos appear related to their stage names. They are thinking of burlesque as something fun, for sure. However, they are thinking of it as a job, not a party. They have to think about how every photo that turns up whenever there are googled by a show producer or event planner might affect their next chance to get a gig.

About ten years ago I had a website called G-Strings Forever, on which I had something like a photoblog featuring digital pictures I’d taken at Tease-O-Rama, Exotic World, and several weekly shows in NYC, including Starshine and Burlesque at the Beach. The photos were not only low-resolution but full of mood and motion, and if anyone had a zit on his or her butt, you wouldn’t have been able to tell from these photos. Still, I carefully considered the effect of every picture I posted.

These days, when just about any image clearly shows every hair out of place, it’s just common sense to distribute them with respect and care. Just because we love every body type in burlesque doesn’t mean we’re not vain; we all want to look our most fabulous, whether our fabulousity comes from rhinestones, slapstick, or shock value. Wanting to have some control over our image is just part of being a professional performer.

Here are a few tips to help you out, so that the person whose photo you tagged on Facebook last night doesn’t suddenly become just a few degrees cooler the next time you encounter them.

1)      Ask yourself: If you were a producer considering hiring this performer, what impression would you get from this photo?

2)      Ask yourself: If you were a performer, would you feel this photo gave away too much about your act?

3)      Ask the subject if he or she minds if you post the photo.

4)      If the subject requests that you take it down or use a different one, oblige them. If they untag themselves, don’t be offended.

5)      If they tell you they like the photo, offer them a high-resolution version to use (some photographers may have a professional interest that doesn’t allow them to offer this).

Performers’ etiquette toward photographers:

1)      It is very common to allow photographers at burlesque shows. Don’t be offended if they assume they can take pictures at your show; and don’t hesitate to let them know if you don’t want them to shoot.

2)      Although many photographers and burlesque performers work with each other without charging, if you ask a professional photographer to take pictures, they are within reason if they believe you’re intending to pay them. Make sure it’s clear.

3)      If they ask you to model for them, you are within reason if you believe they are intending to pay you. But don’t assume.

4)      Do your best to make sure they get full photo credit every time you use their photos in any capacity.

5)      Even if you’ve paid to have a photographer shoot your show, do your best to make sure the other people in the show are represented as they would hope to be in the photos.

These tips are just the beginning , but they should give you an idea of what there is to consider and why it’s never a good idea to take for granted that what seems like common behavior around photos is acceptable to everyone. When in doubt, ask!

Lillith Grey has been lighting up the stage for over five years as a burlesque and fetish performer, musician, and emcee, and can frequently be found performing in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. She holds a master’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in education, and is currently completing her Ph.D. in psychology. She has worked as a psychotherapist, educator, and social justice advocate, and currently teaches at a local university while working on her research. She travels extensively, teaching classes and workshops on a variety of subjects including relationships, communication, trauma, body image, sexuality and gender, and diversity issues. Lillith is also active in the Leather community, serving on the NLA-International Writing Awards committee and as a co-chair for the Women’s International LeatherFest. Visit her at www.LillithGrey.com for more information.

Have a question for our new advice columnist?  Please title your email “Lillith- _subject___” and send to editor [at] pincurlmag [dot] com

Dear Lillith:

A close friend and I perform together at a lot of small burlesque and variety shows. We started burlesque together and have worked together ever since, but lately we are butting heads. I really love performing with her but I am worried that our friendship is suffering because we work together. What can I do to make sure both our friendship and performances are strong?

-          Torn in Texas

Dear Torn in Texas:

The blending of personal and professional roles can be really difficult, but it seems like you are committed to working it out, which is a great start. This issue impacts a lot of performers and producers – since we are such a small community, we end up blurring the lines between friendship and business, which can lead to ruffled feathers, minor tiffs, or even major conflicts.

Since you two started your performance careers together, then it makes perfect sense that you’d be butting heads now. Burlesque is an art form crafted by time – when you first started performing; you probably approached your acts differently than you do now. As you’ve become more experienced, you have likely developed your own style and your own way of doing things, both on and off stage. You’ve probably also realized how much work is involved, and you may be developing a better sense of how dedicated you want to be. This kind of growth and development is a really important part of each performer’s journey. Allowing each other the space to develop independently, even if it means in different directions, is a marker of a strong friendship.

Think about these as two distinct relationships: a personal relationship and a professional relationship. They certainly blur together at times, and that’s part of what makes it fun, but don’t forget that they are unique roles that should be nurtured equally. If you come to a point where you are unable or unwilling to continue attending to those roles, it may be time to consider letting go of one or both of them. Since it seems clear to me from your question that you are hoping to maintain that strong friendship and continue perform together as well, here are some pointers to help you along the way…

Know yourself

One of the most important things that you bring to the table as a friend and as a performer is your own level of insight. The more you understand yourself, the better able you are to communicate your own style and find ways to support each other. If you know that you tend to procrastinate, you can ask her for support and friendly reminders. If you prefer having written choreography rather than memorized, you can say that up front and avoid annoyances down the road. Do you prefer to start rehearsals immediately, or do you like to chat a bit before beginning? Simply knowing how you work best and letting the other person know, leaves a lot of space for compromise and mutual understanding.

Small conflicts are usually indicators of underlying frustration or anger. If seemingly trivial things feel more important than they should, you may need to do some deeper reflection on how things are going. For example, if you are frustrated that she tends to be a few minutes late to rehearsals, a deeper reason might be that you are feeling like she doesn’t care about your work together. If she thinks you are too controlling about the choreography, it may be because she feels like her voice isn’t heard in the creative process. Similarly, things can carry over from other parts of your relationship. If there is something going on in the friendship, that will show up in your work together, just like these work conflicts are showing up in your friendship. Having well-developed personal insight can help create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

Negotiate

Now that you’ve had experience as a performer, it’s probably time to renegotiate how you work together. Talk to each about what works and what doesn’t for you. How much time do you need to prepare for a show? How many rehearsals do you need? How frequently do you want to perform? Are you allowed to perform solo? With others? Do you consider this a hobby or a career? How do you want to brand yourself to your audience? Which shows will you be in? How much do you need to be paid? The list goes on and on…. Different performers have different preferences, but the problem comes when we don’t explicitly talk about these questions because we end up making assumptions about the other person’s wants and needs. Remember, if you’re going to work together, you’ll have to compromise, but it’s impossible to compromise if you don’t know what each person needs.

Having some level of personal insight will also allow you to negotiate your working relationship based on what your own needs and interests are. Talk about how you’re going to work together – if you are going to integrate social time with work time, decide how you will know when it’s time to work and when it’s time to play. I occasionally perform with a gal who has a “working notebook.” When the notebook’s out, it’s a signal that we’re talking business and we’re getting stuff done (usually while drinking wine and gabbing about whatever books we’re reading and our latest thrift store discoveries). When the notebook goes away, so does the business. It’s a nice way of integrating both while still being clear about boundaries and roles.

Communicate Effectively

Effective communication happens in person. Most of the time email and text do nothing to reduce tension or clear up misunderstandings. Instead, they perpetuate misunderstanding and create unnecessary conflict. A healthy dialogue allows space for complexity, clarification, non-verbal cues, emotional expression, and nuance, and it has a sense of give and take in the moment. Email and text offer none of those things. Emoticons don’t count as sharing your feelings.

Also, keep your drama offline. Keep. Your.Drama.Offline. Facebook and Twitter lull us into believing that we are just venting to our friends when we post overly emotional or derogatory messages online. We also tend to not recognize when we are creating or perpetuating drama because it feels so personal and so relevant at the moment we post it. The truth is that it comes across as inappropriate and disrespectful. It’s not only unprofessional; it’s also hurtful to your friendship. At tempting as it is, when in conflict you must avoid technological communication!

Another major pitfall in communication is passive aggression. This is a big one that a lot of women in our culture struggle with. Think about how kids are socialized, generally speaking: boys tend to settle their differences physically or verbally, and are encouraged to be assertive and stand up for themselves. Girls, on the other hand, are typically expected to be nice and gentle, so the necessary assertion of boundaries and needs has to occur in passive ways.

When you write a post on Facebook about “someone” doing something to you, when you make snarky comments about something rather than just confronting it head on, or when you tell lots of other people about a private conflict, you are acting out your aggression in a passive manner. This is particularly hard to deal with when you’re on the receiving end of it because it leaves you feeling unable to protect yourself – you know you’ve been attacked, but the manner in which it was done makes it hard to defend yourself. Dismantling passive aggression takes special attention, since many of us have had it ingrained in us since birth. Learning to communicate assertively and directly (albeit gently and kindly!) will smooth things out considerably.

It’s not show friends, it’s show business

I think one of the most difficult things about this art form is the financial side – this is an expensive lifestyle, with very little tangible reward. Whether you’re performing or producing (or both!), you have undoubtedly invested money – perhaps even a lot of money – into your work. Money is so important in our lives – when we talk about money we’re also talking about our personal sense of security, which can be a scary thing to feel unsure about. Many of us get very protective over that part of our lives, and understandably so.

If your friend is producing a show or bearing any sort of financial responsibility for more than just herself, it’s important that you realize how intense that is. At face value, it may seem simple – just rent a venue, hire performers, and sell tickets, right!? WRONG! Not only is event production much more expensive and complex than it seems, there’s also a great deal of emotional cost as well. When a producer signs a contract accepting financial and legal responsibility for a show; that’s a lot of weight. Depending on how big that weight is, she might have to make some decisions that you don’t agree with. It is important for you to recognize that when her money is on the line, her role has to be a professional first.

Even if she’s not a producer, she’s still investing money, time, and energy – and these are valuable resources!  You may have different ideas about how much of those things you are willing and able to invest in your work. You may have different plans about where you hope your path will take you. All of these “big picture” issues end up being manifested in small things, like how much time someone can spend rehearsing or how far they are willing to drive. If you can have a dialogue with her about where you see yourselves going and how you each intend to get there, you’ll have a better understanding about the physical, financial, and emotional cost of performance.

Moving forward

Power struggles are tough, but the good thing is that it means you both have strengths and are willing to be assertive about them. Many times when you end up in a power struggle, you miss the fact that the other person may have ideas that compensate for your weak points.  If you put down your boxing gloves for a minute, you can turn the situation into something that benefits of both you. For instance, if you butt heads about the creative direction an act will take, you might take turns being the “artistic director” for your acts. If you have conflicts about how the business side is being handled, talk about it and decide who will handle what aspects of the management. Maybe when one of you is creative director, the other can take on the business side (i.e. handling communication with producers, taking care of music prep, handling payment, etc.).

If it turns out that you are on two different paths, or if you continue to have conflict that cannot be resolved, then you may need to mutually renegotiate your working relationship in order to save your friendship. That does not mean you have to stop working together, but it might mean that things have to change. As you consider making a big change like that, remember that the development, growth, redefinition, and sometimes even the ending of a relationship can be a very healthy and empowering process for everyone involved. When you find that you are able to speak your truth and hear your friend’s truth without judgment, you’ll be able to navigate the waters of the personal and the professional with ease.

Your Burlesque Questions Answered by Black Mariah

Q: What are some ways I can become a better performer? I want to get into more shows, and I’m not sure how to be more appealing to show producers. – Laina

I try not to make strict rules when it comes to burlesque. Burlesque is an art form I do not want to put in a box, as its growth and development is the very heart and soul of the creative process. The freedom to grow is exactly how great ideas become great performances. One key to performers who seem to get lots of bookings is well developed performances that are well executed. Here are some tips for giving your performances marketing potential.

Limit your props- Stage space and backstage area will vary drastically from venue to venue. The more props you include in your act, the more complex of a performer you will become. Weight and set up of your props should also be a consideration. When developing props, always remember that at the bare minimum, a stage kitten may be the only person available to set up your props. Your props need to be light and quick to set up. A kitten may have only a few moments to set your stage for you, so your props need to be light and easily moveable. If your props are in pieces and have to be put together, be responsible and do that before the show begins. Leaving prop building to your stage manager or stage diverts the production staff’s attention away from the overall execution of the entire show. Test the item for quality as well.  You and your props need to be as low maintenance as possible.

People as props-  In my experience, this is a recipe for disaster. Using random people, backstage crew, audience members, your cousin Fred, performers who have finished their number already, or anyone else who was not booked as a paid performer for your number or has rehearsed this number with you, should not be onstage in your number.

Let me explain how it looks from the audience. Everyone will see the performer who was introduced, and then another person, smiling, but has a definite look of “I have no idea what will happen next” look on their faces.  We see people who are wearing clothing or costumes that have nothing to do with your act, and as a result, it creates an uncomfortable energy in your audience feeling concern for what is actually happening. Your audience will focus on anything that clearly doesn’t appear to fit with your costume, theme or overall look.

People props will in the end, take attention, focus and the spotlight away from you and the continuity of your performance.  Keep your stage entourage to performers who have rehearsed with you extensively in your routine. Thrown together casts will only appear thrown together.

Costumes- Costumes and theatrics are what makes the show in burlesque, and separates the art form from the traditional strip club. Jo Weldon even teaches a class called “Your costume is your choreography”! Burly-q-ers should take care in selecting items for a costume, and making the item unique to the stage and to the number. Costumes should reflect the performance, and remove elegantly (there are exceptions to that statement if the idea is deliberate) and effortlessly.

The biggest mistake I see dancers make onstage is costume pieces that are underwhelming, either by being undecorated, unmatched, or worse poorly sewn (even hot glued in some cases). Your lingerie should not look like you wear it anywhere else but stage. Unique, in every aspect of a burlesque performance makes the audience feel special! Never assume your audience doesn’t care, or won’t notice haphazard costuming. They notice.

Your costume pieces are a direct reflection of the amount of time, effort, and care a dancer outs into the routine, but executing their removal is directly reflective to the amount of time a dancer spends rehearsing her routine. Grosses of rhinestones, fine satins, and excellent costume designers do not make great burlesque dancers, but practice and flawless execution do.

Editing your ideas and concepts – We all have a laundry list of ideas some born out of inspiration, special interest, or even our own personal comedic taste. I encourage every dancer to keep a small notebook handy to write down those ideas. Much like brainstorming   term paper ideas in English class, dancers should brainstorm their ideas for validity, relativity, and marketability.  Write every idea down, but go back later and edit your thoughts.

Some ideas seem brilliant at the time, but later come across as trendy, overworked, irrelevant, or only amusing in certain company. With the ideas you think may develop, consider your audience and how they will react to your performance.  Ask yourself if the concept is current or mainstream enough that your audience will understand what you are conveying. A dancer simply cannot alienate his/her audience as the connection between the dancer and the audience watching is the only reason your audience will come back.

Lastly, consider where you can perform this new concept. Concepts that are specific to holidays, seasons or audiences (sci- fi) are going to be more limited than general concepts that can be relative to any audience. I also encourage dancers to develop performances in all styles of burlesque that they can. Classical, Neo, and comedic routines in a dancers repertoire make any dancer more marketable to a producer. Offering a variety of styles for your clients or producers is much like being multilingual!

Be on time and communicate with your staff. Even I struggle with this. Make sure you arrive on time to your venue at the requested call time. Life in the big city is crazy so if you are trapped in traffic, your plane is late, you forgot your stockings and have to stop somewhere……..make sure you communicate with the appropriate staff members of your show where you are in regards to arriving to the show.

It’s not only important to the staff and the fluidity of the show, but other dancers notice tardiness as well.  You don’t want to be known as the “Hottest Mess in Burlesque”. Never leave for your show without the phone numbers for your producers or stage manager on hand. Anything can happen and being prepared to communicate in case of an unforeseen emergency is the best policy.

Make sure you communicate all of your needs, props needs, lighting cues, and send your music to the producers BEFORE the day of your show. No one likes surprises, and leaving those very important details until the day of the show is nearly a guarantee that your needs will be over looked, or miscommunicated.