Lillith Grey has been lighting up the stage for over five years as a burlesque and fetish performer, musician, and emcee, and can frequently be found performing in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. She holds a master’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in education, and is currently completing her Ph.D. in psychology. She has worked as a psychotherapist, educator, and social justice advocate, and currently teaches at a local university while working on her research. She travels extensively, teaching classes and workshops on a variety of subjects including relationships, communication, trauma, body image, sexuality and gender, and diversity issues. Lillith is also active in the Leather community, serving on the NLA-International Writing Awards committee and as a co-chair for the Women’s International LeatherFest. Visit her at www.LillithGrey.com for more information.

Have a question for our new advice columnist?  Please title your email “Lillith- _subject___” and send to editor [at] pincurlmag [dot] com

Dear Lillith-

Burlesque is a small world and I just got burned badly by someone in the industry.  When is it appropriate to “put someone on blast” on Facebook and warn others about their horrible business practices?

-Burned in Dallas

Dear Burned

This seems to be happening quite a bit lately! I’ve seen a lot of these “blast” posts, not only for bad business practices but also in response to interpersonal conflict. Since I don’t have a lot of info from you about your current experience, my answers will probably be a bit broader than necessary for your specific situation, but hopefully I can shed some light on some things to think about as you work through this.

My first thought is to look at the reason you want to make a post about this. This can be very difficult and requires you to take a hard look at what’s going on emotionally. You are probably very angry right now, and you may have other feelings like betrayal, hurt, frustration, worry, fear, and any combination of these and a million others. Feelings are complex and hard to understand, but it’s very important to understand how feelings can impact our actions.

You may feel that your intention is truly to warn other people to prevent them from getting hurt; I’ll talk later about how to do that fairly and conscientiously. However, if you are in a state of emotional upheaval, your underlying intent may be to lash out and get back at the person that hurt you. This is a perfectly natural, reasonable, and acceptable response to being hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to act on those feelings. Find other, healthier ways to vent your anger and frustration. Have a bitch session with a friend. Write an angry letter. Whatever you need to do, do it, but keep it private. Your emotional experience is not meant for public consumption.

Sometimes when I have a bad experience or am soured by something someone did or said, I have the urge to jot off a quick post about it. Almost every time I’ve done it, I have ended up regretting it. Now I have established a rule for myself: If I have something strong to say about someone, I write it out but I wait four days to post it. If after that time I still feel that strongly about posting it, I will reconsider it. Almost always, though, by the time those four days are up I’ve already found a way to handle the emotional experience and that post just doesn’t seem that important. Find a strategy for handling emotional turmoil BEFORE you end up in turmoil!

You should also think carefully about the damage that can be done by an emotion-driven post. First, and most obviously, you are doing damage to the person you are talking about, which may actually be your intent. Whether or not you are willing to be intentionally hurtful to another person is up to you, so I won’t speak much to that. But that’s not the only person you’re harming. You’re harming your own reputation too, and that’s worth considering as well. When you make emotional posts, you are telling everyone on your friends list that you don’t handle your emotional experience well and that they may fall victim to it as well. Now, an angry post every now and then is fine, especially when it doesn’t contain specific details, but if you make it a habit to post rants on your page, people will be less likely to trust you. I once knew someone who would frequently make those kinds of posts about people and then end up resolving the conflict with them. She clearly thought that her own resolution meant everything was fine, but those of us who witnessed it repeatedly learned two things: one, that if we were involved with her we might end up in a post like that, and two, that we didn’t need to take seriously the claims that she made because they probably would get resolved anyway. I know many people who blocked her posts because they were tired of the drama.

Emotion-driven posts also harm the community as a whole. In many ways, we function like a small town – everyone knows everyone, we are all working together on a regular basis, and we have to deal with each other whether we like it or not. All of us have a responsibility to make sure that we nurture this as a community, which means not pissing in the collective swimming pool even when we really, really need to go!  When we bring drama into the public eye, we hurt our community internally and we hurt the way outsiders see us well.

So let’s say that you’ve thought all this through and this isn’t just a random rant or a pissed-off moment, and you truly believe that the person that burned you has the potential to be harmful to others. Then what? How do you let people know they need to protect themselves while still acting in an ethical and respectful way?

First, it’s important to understand that effective communication requires way more than just words; we gather a great deal of information from subtle cues, both verbal and non-verbal. When someone posts something online, the content is stripped of all these cues, including vocal tone, inflection, facial expression, and so on. This leaves nothing but bare-bones words, leaving the reader to interpret it in her or his own way. You may not realize it, because when you read it back to yourself you can hear your own voice in your head. People who know you well can probably also hear your voice and intent as well, but people who aren’t as close to you have no choice but to apply their own voice to it.

Everybody has a “mental model,” which is essentially the lens that we see things through. This is kind of a hard concept to pin down because the very nature of the mental model is vague and imprecise, and it changes all the time.  Your mental model is based on your life experiences, your beliefs, your opinions, your preferences, and basically who you are as a person. Since no one else has the same set of experiences and beliefs as you, no one has the same mental model as you. This is why two people can be impacted by the same exact situation and come away with two distinctly different experiences.When you engage in dialogue with someone, your mental model is the filter through which you understand things. Effective communication happens when you can help others understand your model and simultaneously understand theirs.

When you post something online, you are taking out all of that critical, nuanced information that goes along with it, and you don’t have any idea how people interpret it. On the other hand, when you have a verbal conversation with someone, you are providing much more valuable information that aids in their understanding of what you’re trying to tell them. Perhaps most importantly, having a conversation allows them the chance to ask questions, get clarification, and have the back and forth exchange that helps people truly understand each other.

A couple of years ago I was involved in a local show with a producer I hadn’t worked with before. One day I got a phone call from another community performer who was not involved in the show. I did not know her well, but had worked with her before and I always found her to be highly professional, so when she called me I took it seriously. She explained to me that she had worked with that producer before and had been taken advantage of pretty seriously. She also told me she knew of others who had similar experiences who refused to work with him too. She was cautious with the way she phrased things, and although it was clear she was angry, it was also evident that she was not speaking from an emotional standpoint. I went ahead with the show but was very careful, and because of her warning I was able to prevent the same thing from happening to me. In retrospect, I feel sure that without her warning I would have been burned too.

You may be saying to yourself “I want to warn everyone! There’s no way I can call everyone individually!” That’s true, you can’t call everyone – but everyone doesn’t need to be warned. I would venture to say that there are many more people on your Facebook than just other performers. They don’t need to be warned. And even the people who are performers may not find themselves crossing paths with this person. Be selective about who you talk to – choose who really needs to know. That’s the best way to minimize potential damage to everyone involved.

So here’s a quick recap:

Don’t let emotions dictate your response
Don’t react quickly – give yourself enough time to process
Communicate verbally rather than through writing
Be selective about what you say and who you say it to
Consider the impact on everyone involved, including yourself and the community as a whole

I hope that some of these ideas are helpful to you, and I am deeply sorry that you’ve been hurt. Be sure to take care of yourself and get support and help from the people who love you.

Warmly,

If you’re in a Tiki mood and ready for summer like I am, then this month’s Low Brow Lowdown is just for you!  This summer you may not be able to make it to Disneyland to see the magical audio-animatronics show at The Enchanted Tiki Room, but here are some recommendations to help you create that enchanted atmosphere right in your own home.

Music: First of all, for the right atmosphere you’ll want to put on some Martin Denny Exotica.  Vinyl is best, but if you haven’t got that, Pandora plays a fine mix.  I recommend you start with the exotic sounds of Quiet Village.  The first Exotica record was released in 1957, and they are all guaranteed to take you to faraway places, so long as you have a little imagination and a good cocktail.

Book: Then, if you’re feeling ambitious, spruce up your home with PAD: The Guide to Ultra-Living.  Written by Matt Maranian, this book profiles some very groovy pads, and has the most fabulous ideas for retro, lounge-inspired décor, complete with DIY guides.  The projects range from the simpler drink coasters, Tiki art, and ambient lightning fixtures all the way to build-it-yourself Tiki bars and TV cabinets, and even your own functioning tabletop volcano!

The book even includes a how-to on house painting, guides to plants, music, drink garnishes, and flea markets around the country.  But, perhaps the most helpful are the bevy of hangover cures included in PAD!

Art: Next, you’ll need to set the scene with some art.  The perfect thing would be one of my favorite artists, SHAG, also known as Josh Agle.  Pictured on the right is Hula Table from 2004.  A beautiful book of his work is SHAG: The Art of Josh Agle.  His paintings illustrate the suave sixties in a style all their own.  SHAG’s work characteristically consists of bright colors, clean shapes, cool characters, humor, and sophistication, often rounded out with witty titles.

After all that work you’ll need a tasty beverage.  Try some of the recipes in Adam Rocke’s Tiki Drinks, illustrated by none other than SHAG.  As the introduction says, “With every sip of a Tiki drink, you should expect to be whisked away to a lush, tropical island surrounded by warm, turquoise waters.”  Mmmm…

Film: Finally, I suggest you slip into something slinky and settle in to watch Blue Hawaii.  As with other Elvis vehicles, the plot may not be entirely inspired, but that undeniable Elvis charm makes it oh-so worth the watch.  Not to mention the gorgeous scenery of Hawaii, and plenty of bikini-clad girls!  Here’s my favorite number: Rock a Hula Baby.

It’s Tiki Time!

Jeez Loueez by DallasPinUp.com

We heard Chicago’s Gorilla Tango Theater had some wild burlesque shows with unorthodox themes, and we wanted to see if the show lived up to the hype.  We sent one of our favorite Chicago gals- Jeez Loueez to get the scoop. Learn more about Jeezy at TheJeezLoueez.com; visit the theater at GorillaTango.com

El Mari Chi Chi : A Burlesque Review by Jeez Loueez

If you’re in Chicago or nearby I’m sure you’ve heard the latest burlesque hype.  The newest concept to hit stages is Gorilla Tango Theater’s wave of themed “geek burlesque” shows starting with the long-running hit Boobs and Goombas: A Super Mario Burlesque (all of the fuzzy feelings of childhood but now with more grown and sexy).From there they’ve gone on to create popular burlesque parodies like Temple of Boobs: An Indiana Jones Burlesque, Boobs of Khan: A Star Trek Burlesque, and now…Robert Rodriquez?

Wait…who?!

Yea, apparently I’m really late and have been living under a glitter-encrusted rock! Based on director Robert Rodriquez’s cult classics El Mariachi and Desperado, “El Mari Chi Chi” is definitely for the fan boys and girls of the action flicks.  After the first few minutes of not knowing what the hell anyone was talking about or referencing, I was interested to see if the entire next hour of my life would go completely over my head or if I could catch on.

First thing to note is that Gorilla Tango shows don’t follow your typical “host-girl-host-girl” show formula. Most burlesque shows plug in themed acts into a certain number of slots. Gorilla Tango’s approach is more of a burlesque play. There’s a script, lines, cues, and a cohesive storyline or plot to follow.

Mari is a revenge-seeking mariachi player searching for the man who murdered one of his “many many womens”.  Lead by Diva La Vida as the wounded mariachi Mari, the cast of hilarious and scantily clad ladies lead us through a fast-paced version of the popular movies interspersed with stripteases to the flavorful soundtrack. La Vida’s comedic timing and smoldering Antonio Banderas impersonation were to die for. By the time she performed her solo act at the end of the show I couldn’t wait to see what moves she was working with! Mierda, El Mari’s rival, was portrayed by the statuesque beauty Zoe Drift who was a stunning and threatening vision in white. Part sketch comedy, part live combat, part sexy lady time, the writing (by Salsation Theatre Company) and acting was funny and engaging enough that I didn’t need to know the script references. Although I was quite excited when I could catch on to the witty Puss-n-Boots jabs.

Other stand-out performers include: Slightly Spitfire, the lithe and bendy gymnast who literally defied feats of strength and agility, and Choco Latina for her creative use of silk fans made from books. Fans of Steve Buscemi’s character will get a kick out of Bottom-Heavy Betty’s side splitting narration and her double duty as the unnamed little boy. While die-hard fans of the Chicago burlesque scene may not recognize many of these new names and faces, I hope the Gorilla Tango ladies start to integrate themselves into the Chicago community. There is definitely a lot of raw talent and I’d love to see them take their burlesque interests even further.

The cast of multi-talented actors, comedians, and dancers definitely matched their sexy to their funny and Bobby Hoffman’s precise fight choreography added tense action filled moments. Wanda Cobar’s costuming was true to both burlesque and the film references and provided just the right amount of sparkle and grit. Beautiful, funny ladies who kick ass and take it off? Totally a dream for fans of both burlesque and geeky tributes!

Three natural cure-alls that truly are the most essential of oils:

Traveling or on a tight budget, or both? Then it is especially important to have one product that does everything.  Here are my top three picks for all natural cure-alls.

Tea Tree Essential Oil

Antiseptic – Use on cuts before bandaging.

Pimples– Dab undiluted on zits to banish.

Cold Sores/Herpes- Works faster than any product at banishing cold sores.  If you use when you first feel the tingle of a cold sore coming on, you will never get the blister.  Just dab undiluted on affected area.

Dandruff- Mix 60 drops tea tree oil with 6 fl oz. water and put into an empty spray bottle (preferably glass over plastic).  Spray liberally on scalp after showering to get rid of dandruff.

Athlete’s Foot- Dab directly onto affected area three times daily to cure athlete’s foot.  Once per day will prevent.

Coughs & Colds- Add 15 drops to a bowl of just boiled water.  Lean your face over the mixture, cover your head with a towel, and breathe in the minty steam.

Prevent Colds and Flu- Add 10 drops to a large shot glass of warm water and gargle daily during cold & flu season to kill the bacteria and viruses that cause illness.  (Do not swallow!)

Lavender Essential Oil

Unwind-  Stressed Out?  Dab a drop or two on your wrists or on the spot just below the ear and above the jaw to inhale the calming scent anywhere.  Better still- add a few drops to your bathwater or your pillow.

Blisters, Mild Burns, Rashes, & Bug Bites- Grab a 4 oz empty wide mouth jar and add the following: 3 oz carrier oil (olive oil, hemp oil, grapeseed oil, or sweet almond oil are good examples), 30 drops tea tree oil, & 30 drops lavender oil.  Shake to mix, then apply directly to affected areas until problem is gone. Store mixture for up to two months.

Eye Strain- Too many hours on Facebook?  Add 2-3 drops to a warm washcloth and cover eyes.

Orange Essential Oil

Anti-Inflammatory- Grab an empty jar and mix 30 drops with 3 oz of carrier oil.  Apply to inflamed muscles or skin as needed.  Store mixture for up to two months.  (If you are using often- careful when going outside, as orange oil increases your sensitivity to the sun.)

Anti-Depressant – Dab a drop or two on your wrists or on the spot just below the ear and above the jaw to inhale the uplifting scent and kick the blues.  Add a few drops to a scent warmer to lift the spirits of an entire room.

Digestive Issues- Use massage oil mixture above on abdomen to aid digestive issues such as bloating, cramping, and diarrhea.

Anti-Spasmodic/Cramps- Use massage oil mixture above on muscle spasms.  Also works for menstrual cramps.

Detox- Add 10 drops to your bath water and soak to help the body rid toxins, and boost the immune system.

Bug Repellant- Fill a 4 oz spray bottle with water and add 30 drops orange essential oil.   Spray liberally on yourself, and your surroundings- doorways, windows, or your campsite to prevent pesky intruders.  If you are using for more than several days, be aware you will be more sensitive to the sun- keep your skin covered to prevent burns.

Angelique Noire by Winston Kerr. MUA: Jeff Jones

Pin-Up Model Angelique Noire talks the main steam vs. pin-up modeling industry, natural hair, DIY beauty regimes, and faith.

Interview: Shoshana

You have a ton of professional “main stream” modeling under your belt- both in the realm of runway and print.  With such a successful “main stream” career, why make the transition to pin-up?
My career is a model, which can include pinup modeling too. I just look at pinup modeling as another avenue to explore because I don’t plan on hanging up my heels anytime soon.

Have you noticed any backlash from the mainstream community due to your involvement with the pin-up community?
To date, I have not experienced any backlash from the mainstream community about doing pinup modeling. For the most part, I keep them separate. My regular modeling career is for my agents to manage with my real name.  Angelique Noire is my pinup persona that I manage. So in a way, my professional modeling and pinup modeling don’t really cross paths much, but have the ability to enhance one another. I definitely have been contemplating on just working as Angelique Noire though.   

Aphrodite Collage. Photographer: Winston Kerr MUA: Jeff Jones Hair & Digitial Manipulation: Angelique Noire

In your Pin Up Passion interview you mention that one of the biggest differences between your commercial print background and pin-up, is that in the world of pin-up you are the creator of your own destiny.  Let me clarify: You have reached a point in your professional “main stream” career, where you have agents and marketing people working for you to promote you.  In pin-up, you are talent, booking agent, marketing team, and promoter all in one.  What tricks have you learned to both manage your time, and to choose which booking requests you will make a priority, verses the large amount of offers your receive monthly?
The juggling act of my pinup ventures is still a work in progress and learning experience. Not only do I have to keep organized all that is entailed with the goings on of Angelique Noire, but I have to find balance to take care of my children and household too. On the days I am not working with a client, I spend it planning future photo and video shoot concepts; editing and retouching photo and videos; performing the duties of stylist, MUAH, as well as model for some of my photo and video shoots; answering interviews; communicating with “fans” and potential clients; submitting photos for various projects; posting pictures all over the internet; the list goes on. I try to get most of it done while my children are at school, and while they are sleeping. All that I do is time consuming and necessary in promoting Angelique Noire.  I have to make myself visible being that black pinups have minimal visibility. If I don’t do it, who else will…for free? I just put my abilities to work, and priority goes towards projects that have deadlines.
In my 15+ years in modeling, I mainly did jobs and castings that my agencies would send me on because of safety precautions. I don’t want to step on my agents’ toes, so my regular modeling jobs booked through them most often take priority over my pinup modeling.
The order of priority that guides the decision making process for jobs are as follows: Catalogue jobs supersede magazine editorials (unless Vogue Magazine or other popular high fashion magazines are interested in booking me the same day); Advertising supersedes catalogue jobs; National television commercials supersede all print work especially if print work is included with the commercial job. All print and commercial work trump runway jobs.  In essence, it all comes down to whichever project will pay out the most, and/or how much media exposure I believe I will receive. Time is precious so I have to make the most of it.

Photo: Winston Kerr MUAH: Jeff Jones

You have a list of favorite photographers that you’ve worked with, as well as an extensive list of photographers from all over the world and in many different industries.  What are the qualities that your favorite photographers have?  What should gals look for when selecting photographers with whom to work?
The majority of my favorite photographers are mostly photographers that I have worked with on numerous projects throughout the years.  For example, I worked with Matthew Rolston for over 10 years on various print and commercial advertising campaigns.  If you look at his website, you would see only a fraction of his celebrity clientele and completed projects. He has incredible lighting techniques, and a phenomenal creative team of stylists, makeup artists, hair stylists, and more that he regularly works with. He has a meticulous eye and gives his input on all angles of the project. Though he is not specifically a pinup photographer, I constantly see the pinup styled pics that he has done of celebrities like Christina Aguilara, and many more floating around pinup websites. Not only do I admire his work, many photographers do as well. I have several others that I have named on my website but there are still others that I would love to work with too.

During my pin up modeling ventures I have been able to work with the amazing personality and super cool photographer Laura Byrnes, the Supreme Overlord of Pinupgirlclothing.com It is not often that I get to work with female photographers, so I am grateful that she has come into my life. Team PUG is pretty darn great.

I don’t have much advice for girls looking to work with photographers. The main reason being that in regular modeling, the photographer and/or client select you for their project. This is how I get my work. If I want to take photos outside of that, I most often contact friends of mine, and sometimes consider working with photographers that approach me. I don’t know if I can get used to the idea of  contacting a pinup photographer to shoot in pre-made concept shoots that a bunch of other women have used.  I definitely recommend this for aspiring pinup models though. In looking for a photographer to shoot with, pretty much browse the photographers work on their website, and go from there. Work with the photographer if you like their work.  

Photo: Romain Court

What are the top three mistakes that beginning models make?  What is the difference between a model you would list as amateur or a hobbyist, and someone you would consider professional?
I wish I could break it down so easily to name three mistakes beginning models make.  Each situation is different. The same choice may be a mistake for one person, and it might not be for another. It’s hard to say. The biggest advice I can give is to make sure that whatever agreements are made, to follow through.  Be on time to whatever shoots or appointments that are made. Also, don’t be afraid to say no if you don’t feel comfortable doing something, and be polite about it.  
I consider a professional model to be someone who does this for their living. Most often professional models are also represented by agents that are paid commissions.”Model” is the profession that is claimed on their tax returns. An amateur, hobbyist, aspiring model are those who can be in their fledgling stages to becoming a professional model. Every story has a beginning.

You’ve discussed lots of great DIY beauty care regimens in your interviews.  What are your five favorite beauty products that are easily made yourself from household items?
I use Extra Virgin Olive Oil to moisturize my skin and hair. I also use it to remove my makeup. My next favorite product I use is baking soda to wash my hair with, as well as to exfoliate my skin.  Unfiltered Organic Apple Cider Vinegar is wonderful for many different skin and hair treatments also.  I use it as a toner after washing my face, and to rinse my hair after washing with baking soda. I make different facial masks and hair conditioners with eggs. Finally, I keep my cabinet stocked with an assortment of essential oils to include in my different beauty regimens too. Most of how I use these products are posted on my YouTube channel .

In addition to beauty blogs, you also have some great hairstyling videos for gals with natural hair.   You also have an extensive portfolio that includes images of you with both natural and processed hair.   Do you have any strong feelings one way or another about the black American hair industry, and fashion’s role in it?  You now keep your hair natural exclusively, correct?  What was the thought process behind this decision?  Is it still a bone of contention in the fashion industry?
I am all about options. I like to wear a variety of outfits, and I like to do a variety of hairstyles. I like my hair in it’s natural state, as well as I like using wigs and hairpieces. I do not ever want to have a relaxer put in my hair again just for the simple fact that relaxers are very damaging, and they contain harsh chemicals that enter the body. I totally think that the media has conditioned women into thinking that they are more acceptable or beautiful if they have straight hair. The majority of beauty ads, high fashion editorials, runway shows, etc. show models with straight hair. The main reason being that most of the time these non Black models that are used frequently, have naturally straight hair/loose wave pattern. Instead of waiting for a hairdresser to try to figure out what to do with my textured hair should the client all of a sudden want my hair to be straight too, I just slap on a straight wig that they can work on. My wigs My hair protect my hair from heat damage too. Over the years that I have been modeling, I have been able to appreciate that more images of Black women with kinky/curly hair that are being produced. Hopefully, the natural hairstyles that I do with a retro 40s/50s twist can permeate the pinup world too.

March 2012 Cover. Cover Image: Winston Kerr. MUA: Jeff Jones Digitial Manipulation: Angelique Noire

Your website points out that you are “the first black pin-up of the 21st century”.  I’m curious as to how you became so inspired by the original pin-ups of the 40’s and 50’s when for the most part, with very few exceptions, they were all white girls.   What was it that you related to in those earlier images?
Beauty. I admired how each image was put together.  The clothes, lingerie, swimwear, shoes, hairstyles, accessories, etc….all of these in their various combinations showed an image of a classy, sexy, ultra feminine woman.  I am sure you can browse through a magazine, look at the models who don’t look like you, and think how you can totally see yourself in the same dress, pair of shoes, etc. that they are wearing. Just because the women were predominantly white didn’t keep me from seeing myself as being able to look classy, sexy, and ultra feminine too.

In watching and reading interviews you’ve done, it is very clear that faith, in particularly Christianity, plays a strong and important role in your life.  This is a trait you share with Bettie Page, and we saw her struggle with her faith verses her work.  How does faith enter into the decisions you make professionally?
I grew up going to church and still enjoy having a relationship with God. My grandfather is a preacher, whose church I helped renovate and attended while growing up. My faith in God has shaped and molded me to be the person I am today. I can understand that Bettie Page had reservations about the jobs she would do because of the nudity involved, which was very taboo of that time.  Do I think it’s “bad” and “ungodly” to show the parts that God gave us?  Not necessarily. I do however think that nude photos can be done without looking obscene, vulgar, and offensive. The Sistine Chapel has nudes all over it for goodness sake! So nudity can be tasteful and artistic. I personally don’t want to put all of my goods on display. Look at examples like Rita Hayworth, Jane Russell, and Betty Grable who did many photo opts without ever having to expose all of their body.  A woman can still behold an abundance of admiration without showing everything.
As far as my faith goes, it’s what I do when I am not in front of the camera that guides my choices in life. I feel it’s important to treat everyone I meet with respect no matter if they are an A list celebrity or a  janitor…even at times when people don’t deserve it. I have also learned that I can voice my disagreements and concerns without having to resort to verbal degradation, and I choose to avoid verbalizing profanity in my conversations. I give a percentage of all the income i make, to various ministries I follow, and charities that I like. I also choose not to drink alcohol, never tried drugs, nor do I  smoke (mainly because I don’t like it more so than because of my religion). I am in no ways flawless or trying to be Ms. Goody Two Shoes, but these are standards that I set for myself to uphold.

What has been the reaction of your immediate and extended family?  Do they understand your move to pin-up (I am speaking from the faith, lack of relate-ability, and the professional standpoint)?
When I first expressed my interest in modeling as a teenager, my parents and other family members were pretty leery about my participating in what they saw as the negative side of modeling-  the nudity, the drugs…the “fast” life. I reassured them by showing the results of the work that I would do. Modeling is modeling to my family…whether it is pinup or regular catalogue work for a department store. I think that as long as I am not showing all my goods, they are happy.

You have paved the way for more black pin-up models to emerge on the scene.  How does that make you feel?  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I am totally thrilled when woman of all ages and races look to me for inspiration.  A lot of times I get messages on the various websites I manage like Facebook, Youtube, Tumblr, etc.  saying kind words, and asking advice about modeling. I try my best to answer them all, but it’s extremely time consuming so I apologize that I can’t respond to all compliments, but I do try to answer questions that are asked. At the rate things are going, I can totally see myself being as visible as Dita Von Teese and Bernie Dexter in 5 years.

Does pin-up have more longevity than mainstream modeling?  If there is an Angelique Noire legacy thirty years from now, what do you hope it looks like?
Pin up modeling does seem to be more accepting of woman, rather than teenagers made to look older. I do see my pinup modeling contributing to more opportunities for me. In addition, I have seen the demand for women over 30 growing in the advertising market. I have agencies that have “classic” women’s divisions, where the models are over 40 years of age. I guess the reason being that there are a lot of celebrities that have made it more accepting to be celebrated as mothers, business women, and sex symbols even if they are not in their mid 20s.  
The legacy of Angelique Noire thirty years from now, I hope is as an icon. I hope I am viewed as having the class of Rita Hayworth and Betty Grable, and the mass media marketability of Marilyn Monroe and Bettie Page. More than anything else I hope that people remember me as not only being exceedingly blessed, but also a blessing to many others because of the various charities, ministries, and people I have and will continue to donate generously towards. I definitely believe I am blessed to be a blessing.

Orchid Mei performs. Photo: Janis Anderson

Denver burlesque performer Orchid Mei talks traditional Chinese and Korean dance, changing goals, festivals and penguins.

Interview: Divertida Devotchka

Your stage name is taken from the Chinese “Mei Li de Lan Hua” meaning beautiful orchid. You’re known for your distinctive style of blending burlesque with traditional Chinese dancing. We’ll talk more specifically about your training in a moment, but what made you decide to blend the two arts? You’ve stated that you wanted to honor your Asian heritage, but were there other factors as well? From whom or what did you take your inspiration?

I decided to integrate both Chinese and Korean dance with classic burlesque because I wanted to do something that both embodied who I was, and wanted to become, with something that was unique.  I wanted to differentiate myself, to do something that would be noticed, and that would ultimately be associated with my name.

When I was growing up it was my dream to not only be Grace from Annie, but to also be one of the dancing girls in the scene where Mr. Warbucks rents out Radio City Music Hall for a night at the movies.  I really wanted to dance on that camera, and I still do!

When I started molding my character and persona, I took, and still take, my inspiration from classic films, old burlesque films and portraits, and any fabric, dress, movement, or piece of music that stops time for me.

You’re perhaps best known for your performances with chang biao shan, or ribbon fans, and I’m fascinated to hear more about your training experience, which began in 2005. You’re also well-versed in the art of daizi (ribbons), sui shou (long sleeve), panzi (plate) and ba jiao jing (octagonal scarf), and I’m sure our readers would like to know more about the process of learning those arts and the challenges presented by incorporating them into burlesque performance.

As I mentioned previously, I initially wanted to marry both Chinese and Korean dance with burlesque.  However, finding an instructor proved to be rather difficult.  I lucked out finding my Chinese dance teacher and had to woo her into teaching me.  She is very much involved in the Chinese community here in Denver and focuses on teaching adopted Chinese children.  When I approached her, she was hesitant.  Not only was I American, I was an adult.  I won her over by telling her my heritage and that I was obtaining a BA in Chinese language.  My first lesson, she spoke to me in Chinese.  When I responded and could take direction, our match was made.  She still teaches me in Chinese and pushes me to be more fluid in movement.  She knows that I want to excel so she meticulously works with my technicality and allows me to practice with other classes.  I’ve never had prior dance experience, so to be taken under the wing of someone who won best ribbon dancer in all of Taiwan, is a huge accomplishment for me!

I find that the most difficult aspect of attempting to intertwine Chinese dance with burlesque is to make the movements and dances more provocative without offending the culture.

Orchid Mei by Julia Kuzmenko

You got started in burlesque in 2004 with Ooh La La Presents, and it seems you haven’t slowed down since. You made your solo debut opening for a sold out Dresden Dolls show in 2005 and you began accumulating titles at festivals just two years later. You now perform regularly at Lannie’s Clocktower Cabaret.  What were your goals as a performer when you first started? How have those goals evolved over the years?

When I first started, my goal was to win Miss Exotic World and to successfully make and market myself as a business.  Now, I think that I have a bit more of a realistic view on the subject.  Though I still aspire to become a full time professional, I have chosen not to base my success on competitions but to try to look at the bigger picture, to look outside of the box.

It appears that you stay very busy on the festival circuit! I’d love to hear about your very first burlesque festival experience. Is there anything that you know now that you wish you’d known going into the first one?
My first festival experience was Tease O Rama in 2005.  I was fairly well traveled before coming into burlesque, so I was quite used to new cities and maneuvering travel and hotels (thanks to my sister – she was the captain of all of our road trips).  I was not, however, prepared for the onslaught of glitter and glamour that a festival delivers.  It was like stepping off the plane into Paris for the first time, a different culture.  The atmosphere was electric with everyone reconnecting, mingling, and performing.  It was all I could do to keep my head!  I got to see amazing performances, be in the same room with performers that I had read about and looked up to, and even meet some legends.   I will never forget it.

I feel that every step is a learning process and try to learn something from every event.  There is always something that I wish I knew.  Whether it be knowing train closures during the winter, that cabs prefer cash, or to be aware of the crime rings in certain neighborhoods, some things you just have to learn from experience.

Photo: Julia Kuzmenko

What are some of your favorite memories from the festivals you’ve done so far?

The most poignant memories have been standing ovations, opportunities to perform on historic and amazing stages, getting to meet and learn from Legends and peers, and every tear cried from kind words that Legends and peers have said.  I never thought I would have those opportunities or graces, so I hold them very close to my heart.

There are also so many funny memories that make me giddy every time I think of them:  taking a cab a half a block in Boston, gallivanting around in New Orleans, missing my flight in Austin (I’ve missed a lot of flights), swooping in and out of St. Louis, and backstage antics and after parties.

Speaking of festivals, you’re competing for the World Female Crown at the World Burlesque Games (the 6^th Annual London Burlesque Festival) in May! Tell us all about it!

This will be my second time performing in LBF and my first time on the main stage in the World Burlesque Games.  I feel that Chaz has worked very hard to create grandiose event to showcase performers from across the globe.  I’m tickled to be performing alongside such wonderful and truly talented women!  This festival is a fantastic opportunity to learn what else is out there and to see burlesque through different countries’ eyes.  I can only hope to do right by my foremothers and to have people enjoy my performance.  Maybe even get my name out there, even if it is a shiny piece of ticker tape amongst a sea of glitter.

I understand that you were featured in Jane Briggeman’s second burlesque book, “Burlesque: A Living History.” How did that come about? Could you share a little about your involvement?

Jane was toying around with the idea of highlighting a few “baby” dancers as a segue from the past to the present.  When she decided that it was something she wanted to do, she did her research and whittled down a list of performers to four.  When I was contacted, I was beside myself!  I was in complete and utter disbelief and half convinced it was a hoax.  After much communication with Jane throughout production, I knew that this was not only the real deal, but that it was a tremendous step for her to include “babies” in her book.  I’m still dumbfounded that I am written about within the same pages as the women that I model myself after.

I’m very happy that I’ve gotten to know Jane throughout the process.  She is a quintessential historian and I’m grateful for her efforts to preserve history.

I’d like to hear more about your love of penguins.

I’ve loved penguins ever since I can remember.  I suspect that it started with V.I.P. (the penguin from the Shirt Tales) and escalated from there.  I think he was my first and my best love, but don’t tell the other penguins that!   I appreciate that they are fluffy and cute yet dapper and majestic; that they are comics on land but graceful in the water.  Besides, who doesn’t love a well tailored suit or a chivalrous beau?

What’s next for Orchid Mei?

I am in process of courting a Korean dance instructor.  It’s taken a long time to find one locally and, now that have, I plan to finalize my plan to integrate both Chinese and Korean dances with burlesque.  I’m also striving to continue to better myself in hopes of progressing as a performer.  What’s next?  Only time will tell, but I hope it’s a good story!

Lorelei Lee by A to Zed Photography

Texas pin up model Lorelei Lee talks being petrified, Marilyn Monroe, American Pin Ups, burlesque performance and inspiration.

Interview: Divertida Devotchka

How did you get started with modeling? (I read that you did a shoot to send photos to your husband stationed overseas, and that you were bitten by the pin up bug, if you will.) Please tell us about the development of Lorelei Lee as she is today.

I sure did! My husband was stationed overseas and I thought it would be a fun idea to have a few pin up photos taken for him. I came across 666 Photography and thought that their work was just beautiful. I was absolutely petrified when I got there. I didn’t even look at myself in the mirror after Lisa the makeup artist had dolled me up. I was very stiff and felt like I would look horrible. Gayla (the photographer) was absolutely wonderful and was so good at helping me out. After I got the pictures back I was in awe at how they turned out. My husband was pretty happy too.

Truth is, I had always loved the pinup girls of the past. As a teenager, my room was filled with Marilyn Monroe pictures. I just didn’t know there were people who still embraced that lifestyle. As I made more friends on My Space I started finding all these pinup models and photographers. It was so amazing. It was like this whole world opened up.
After that first shoot I booked with Miss Missy Photography and I was much more at ease, moving freely from pose to pose. I got a few more shoots under my belt and I started thinking about a pinup name. My love for Marilyn Monroe hadn’t changed and I decided on Lorelei Lee; which was her character’s name in a movie called Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

Photo: Soliz Images

You’re starring in a new local reality show, American Pin Ups, along with Flossie Carmichael with the involvement of local photographer Rene Soliz. You’ve also been hosting a weekly Sunday Night Drive-In Movie on the same local channel (TXA21). The show is described as “Two Broke Girls” meets “Project Runway” and is supposed to document the balancing act between being pin up models and your everyday lives (being moms/wives.) Can you share with us how this project got started? What has the experience been like so far?

Flossie Carmichael and I just started hosting the TXA 21 Drive in Movie which comes on Sunday nights at 7pm. It’s been a pretty fun gig! Our first episode we just got to say some basic lines and by the second one we were asked to start doing interviews. It’s not a long segment but it is on air experience and we get to try to get better at being in front of a live camera.
We also have a reality show that we are working on called American Pinups. It is being shopped around to various networks. This will be an exciting show for DFW. It will revolve around our lives at home with our family and out at shoots, the fun parts and the not so fun parts. The love and support we can give each other and the cattiness and drama that can also be a part of it. But it will also showcase other local pinup models, businesses, photographers, etc. It will be a great way for the pinup world to be showcased to the rest of America. There are a lot of people who have no idea what a pinup is. Or they think it’s something dirty. The wonderful thing about pinups is we come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. I am so excited about this show, and you can see more at www.americanpinups.tv .

Photo: Soliz Images

American Pin Ups is definitely not your first foray into television. You’ve been in multiple episodes of Lone Star, The Good Guys, Chase, as well as the pilot of Dallas. What other acting experience do you have? Do you have any other television or film projects currently in the works?

Working as an extra on those TV shows was a lot of fun. Chase was my favorite because I was lucky enough to become a regular on that series. Believe it or not, I played a US Marshall on that show.   In 2011 I did 3 movies. The first two were very low budget movies. The first one was called The Might of Me. The director actually contacted me on Facebook and asked if I would be interested in being in his film. My character Julie wasn’t even in the script. So I went down to Austin and played one of the main character’s date for the evening. On our second date we broke up. All my lines were ad libbed. The second movie I did was called Fess Up (a murder mystery). It was written by the same director as the first movie. This time, my part was written for me. I played Julia Krane. She was a woman who was used to getting what she wanted no matter the cost. The last movie I did was called The Merchant. It is a horror western that takes place in the 1895. I got that part because of a photo I did with Halo where I am the Lady of the Lake. The writer of the film saw the picture on Facebook and he messaged me to see if I would be interested in being an extra. I saw some clips from the movie that were all ready posted and was in awe at how good it looked. Before we started filming the writer messaged me again and told me a featured extra couldn’t do the movie anymore and he wanted to know if I would do it. Be featured?? Of course!! So I played a townswoman who became possessed by a demon. I got to do my own stunts with their stunt man. Kick a little butt. It was an amazing experience. All three movies will be out sometime this year.

Aside from modeling and acting, you’ve also been involved in the Dallas and Fort Worth burlesque scenes. You’ve been a stage kitten as well as dabbling in performance as well, right? I’d like to know about your first performance. What were the biggest challenges for you? What was your favorite aspect of performing? Do you plan to pursue more burlesque performance in the future?

Burlesque is absolutely amazing. I love how empowered the performers seem to be. The confidence that pours out of every gland or that could just be a lot of glitter. Vivienne Vermuth, the creator of Broads and Panties, was kind enough to let me kitten at some of her shows. After a while, I was becoming more and more interested in performing. All my life, I have been afraid to try new things. Afraid of what people would say about me. Afraid at failing. Afraid at losing. I always stayed with what was safe. So doing burlesque was a giant leap for me. Once again, the wonderful Vivienne took me under her wing and gave me a shot and I am so, so grateful to her for that. I would love the chance to perform more. Unfortunately, it’s pretty difficult for me to do. I actually turn down a lot of shows simply because I do not have the time to come up with costumes, put together a routine, and most importantly practice. I don’t want to do something half ass. If I do a show I want it to be a performance that Vivienne will be proud of.

Which models/photographers are you the most inspired by?

There are so many models/actresses that inspire me. Bettie Page, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, Louise Brooks, Brigitte Bardot, Clara Bow to the modern Bernie Dexter, Dayna Delux, Doris Mayday, Angela Ryan, Courtney Crave, Miss VHaven, oh the list could go on and on. As for photographers, Bunny Yeager, Andre De Dienes, Viva Van Story, Miss Missy Photography, 666 Photography, Shannon Brooke, Angela Morales, Vara Pappas. I’m sure I’m missing many many more.

What’s next for Lorelei Lee?

What’s next for Lorelei? I hope to just continue staying busy, healthy, and happy. I’m enjoying the ride. The last few years have been amazing. I am very lucky to get to work with some amazing people and to come home to a wonderful family.

Lexa Lusty by Oblivion Images

Editor’s Note:

Holy Spring- it’s tax time; you know- when we all run screaming.  Well it doesn’t have to be that bad.  With a little organization(keeping good monthly records and adding those up per quarter make end of the year taxes much, much quicker) and some sage advice you too can be breathing easier knowing exactly what you owe, or will receive.

By day, Lexa Lusty has worked as an accountant since 2007, has prepared taxes for all business types and has experience in operations management, internal audit, and fraud.   We are delighted she threw her hat in the ring for a little tax article to get you started.  Like with your best costumes, and anything in life- if you want it done right- have it custom tailored to you by a professional.

Burlesque & Taxes

By: Lexa Lusty

It’s tax time.  The time of year you act like all those burlesque shows, DJ gigs, and emcee spots were just for fun.  No need to report anything, right?  Many people think that as long as they are receiving cash or not receiving a W-2 or 1099 they are not responsible for filing the taxes owed on that income.  This is untrue. Filing your taxes isn’t just about obeying the law or contributing to the fiscal health of our country. It isn’t something to fear and avoid either.Let’s take a look how and what you need to file, and, of course, those exciting questions about what you can write off.

First, let’s determine if you have a business or a hobby.  The IRS requires you to report all income regardless of the classification! Uncle Sam considers the following when determining if you are in it for fun or if you have a business:

• Do you spend enough time and energy into the activity to indicate an intention to make a profit?
• Do you rely on income from the activity?
• Have you changed methods of operation to improve profitability?  Did you build a website to promote yourself?  Did you take classes to learn new skills or refine the ones you have?
• Did you make a profit in any three of five consecutive tax years?

If you answered “No” to all of these questions, then you probably have a hobby and a tax problem.  Unfortunately, hobby losses are limited to the amount of the reported hobby income and if you don’t itemize then you can’t write-off any of the expenses unless your adjusted gross income is less than $16,000.  If your adjusted gross income is less than $16,000, then you probably have more things to worry about than taxes- like trying to put food on the table.  I know.  Don’t kill the messenger!

If your adjusted gross income is greater than $16,000 and you itemize then you can deduct the hobby related expenses up to your hobby income but, they are subject to a 2% floor of your adjusted gross income.  For example, if your adjusted gross income is $50,000 then you must have miscellaneous deductions greater than $1,000 ($50,000 x .02).  The first 2% of miscellaneous deductions don’t count so to speak.

If you answered” Yes” to the last question, then you definitely have a business.  Sole proprietors report the income and expenses of their business on Schedule C of the 1040.

Finally, you’ll need to keep receipts for your expenses in the event that you are ever audited.  It’s also a good idea so you don’t have to guess how much you’ve spent in the last year.  Being audited is not as scary as it sounds when you have receipts to support your case.  To do it right the first time, let’s take a look at some common expenses that you might incur.  You might be surprised what the law allows and doesn’t.

Yes, you can write off the business portion of the following on Schedule C:

• Photo shoots
• Business cards
• Accounting fees
• Alterations
• Amounts spent on exercise (i.e. gym memberships and class fees)
• Props
• Cell phone bills
• Agent commissions
• Rent for storage
• Mileage or Actual Auto Expenses
• Parking
• Travel
• Advertising
• Computers & Equipment
• Insurance
• Interest on credit card charges related to business expenses
• Festival Fees
• Legal & Professional Fees
• Office Expenses
• Rent
• Office Supplies

No, you cannot write off:

• Clothing that is adaptable to everyday wear
• Cosmetic surgery
• Interest on your credit card related to non-business expenses
• Manicures, pedicures and other personal care expenses

Be careful with:

• Lunches that have a business purpose – Yes you can write them of, but not if it is lunch with coworkers or considered a meal for yourself while working late.  It’s good to write on the receipt what was discussed and who was present.
• Bar Tabs/Entertainment.  These have to pass the Directly-Related Test.  These are deductible (up to the 50% Meals & Entertainment limit) if the *main purpose* of the entertainment/meeting was to conduct business, you did engage in business during the meeting, and you expected to receive income or some other business benefit in the future.

For the most complete resource of allowable deductions and assistance in navigating your return, it is a good idea to consider the use of a tax professional especially considering their fees are deductible.  Feel free to contact me for a referral at lexalusty@gmail.com.

Disclaimer:

This material does not constitute tax, legal or accounting advice andLexa Lustyisnot in the business of offering such advice. It was not intended or written for use and cannot be used by any taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding any IRS penalty. Anyone interested in these topics should seek advice based on his or her particular circumstances from independent professional advisers.

Lillith Grey has been lighting up the stage for over five years as a burlesque and fetish performer, musician, and emcee, and can frequently be found performing in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. She holds a master’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in education, and is currently completing her Ph.D. in psychology. She has worked as a psychotherapist, educator, and social justice advocate, and currently teaches at a local university while working on her research. She travels extensively, teaching classes and workshops on a variety of subjects including relationships, communication, trauma, body image, sexuality and gender, and diversity issues. Lillith is also active in the Leather community, serving on the NLA-International Writing Awards committee and as a co-chair for the Women’s International LeatherFest. Visit her at www.LillithGrey.com for more information.

Have a question for our new advice columnist?  Please title your email “Lillith- _subject___” and send to editor [at] pincurlmag [dot] com

Dear Lillith,

I am approaching my one year anniversary as a burlesque performer and I find myself conflicted about whether or not I should continue. I could really use your advice.

Burlesque has been an amazing addition to my life. For the first time I feel creative, talented, and funny. The community that I perform in is filled with amazingly beautiful, fun and supportive people. The scene and the opportunities compares to no other in my life.

That said I am also in school working towards my Masters in Social Work. I am in love with the program, the learning, and the profession. It truly speaks to my professional, spiritual and emotional center and I am grateful to be in the program and to have found my calling. I hope to move on to getting a masters in public health and one day run a holistic clinic that meets both the mental and physical needs of under-served populations.

I am realizing, with the not so desired help from my family, that the two worlds are ever more in conflict with one another. As a result I have stopped having my photograph taken and do my best to keep my burlesque identity separate from my professional one.

Can you help out line the honest risks I face if I continue to perform. Some people in my life tell me the risks are possible yet unlikely, and others believe that I am throwing my career down the drain if it “ever gets out.” I hate that burlesque has to be this dark secret, and I respect your ability to be honest and open about it.

Thank you for your advice.

All the best to you,

Miss Twin Peaks

Dear Miss Peaks

Wow, I’m not sure your letter could have hit any closer to home for me! Having gone through a similar struggle, I was really moved by your story. The fact that you are even thinking about these things is really important – it tells me that you are using professional judgment and being very thoughtful about how you approach your career, and that speaks volumes about how you will function as a clinician.

I think your first task is to try to figure out whether burlesque is a hobby or an identity for you. If it is a hobby, it may be time to find other ways to tap into that creative outlet. Open mic nights, community theater, or dance classes might be enough to fit your needs. If you decide that burlesque is something that speaks to you on a deeper level, it might not be something you can live without. If that’s the case, you need to begin the work of finding a way to blend your two passions.

You mentioned a number of things that burlesque brings to your world, and you clearly have a strong attachment to and love for your work and future career plans. My quick answer to your question is this: the two are NOT mutually exclusive. You can have both, if you want them.

My first piece of advice to you (and it’s what I tell my students and clients as well) is to make your self your work. We are happiest and most fulfilled when we are able to do work that speaks to our deeper sense of self. The things that you mentioned that you love about your work:“It truly speaks to my professional, spiritual and emotional center….” align beautifully with what you have discovered in burlesque:“I feel creative, talented, and funny. The community … is filled with amazingly beautiful, fun and supportive people.” Your job as a social worker is to help people find exactly the things you have found! How lucky for your future clients to have an advocate and ally who is so open-minded and open-hearted as to find the joy and beauty you have discovered! Do not be afraid of what you have found – it is a gift not only for yourself, but also for every life you touch.

To put it more succinctly – your profession needs you just the way you are.

So let’s think about this situation in terms of integration. You have two “worlds,” and for you to live happily ever after they need to be integrated. This does not mean that your worlds have to blend externally (not suggesting you wear pasties to work), but for your internal sense of self to be intact, you’ll need to find a way to blend both identities. It becomes easier and more natural over time, but the process of integrating these two parts of your life will be an ongoing process for a long time.

So let’s talk about risk. Unless someone is intimately familiar with your field, they are not qualified to advise you on the realistic risks to your professional life. While your family might have your best interests at heart, they are probably also influenced by “worst case” thinking and a desire to protect you from any chance of harm. Considering worst-case scenarios might be a good idea to a small degree, but it’s more important to pay attention to things that might actually happen.

Here’s an activity to help you assess realistic risk. Make a four column chart on a piece of paper and write down everything you’re afraid might happen. I’m going to guess that somewhere on your list you’ll have written down fears about ethics violations, license boards, intolerant bosses, unwanted media coverage, or angry clients. These and any others you might think of are all very valid concerns and they deserve your attention. You may also have some silly or exaggerated fears – those are okay too. Put them down as well; you can abandon them later.

Once you’ve written out your list, go back and assign each item a number from one to ten indicating what you think the likelihood of that happening is. If you are unsure, investigate. You can look up ethics boards complaints records and see how many were addressed and why. You can contact other sex-positive professionals (there are lots of us!) and ask them about their experiences. Find a professor or faculty member who you trust to be accepting and non-judgmental and create space for an ongoing dialogue with them. If you aren’t comfortable coming out to them as a burlygirl, tap into your network and find a like-minded mentor from a different school (this is something I can help you with if you need it).

Once you’ve made the list, it’s time to go back and re-evaluate each item. You’ll have to decide what you are and are not willing to sacrifice to lower that number to a point that feels acceptable to you. Brainstorm ways of reducing that number, then assign a new number based on your potential interventions.

Now, your list may or may not look anything like this one – that’s okay, it’s just an example. You are going to have to develop your own list based on your unique situation.  Your list may also change based on your context. As a student, you may have less control over your environment than you might once you graduate. Make sure your list fits you in the here and now; you can make a new one later if you need to.

Setting boundaries is a crucial part of risk reduction. It is important that you have carefully considered possible boundary violations and decided in advance how you will deal with them. Remember, a good professional isn’t one who never has an ethical dilemma; in fact, very little of your work will be black and white. A good professional is one who can carefully and responsibly find ways to manage the grey areas.

One of my personal boundaries is that I don’t perform in the city I teach in. It’s a sacrifice, since there are some great shows here, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make because I can get to Dallas fairly easily and there’s a lot to do there. Although it hasn’t happened yet, I know that at some point one of my students will likely recognize me and say something. Because I have already decided that I want to keep a fairly strict boundary between my work and my personal life, I will probably gently inform them that I don’t talk about my personal life at work and ask them to respect that. If it’s a counseling client, it would be important to process the impact of their discovery on the therapeutic relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to disclose anything. There’s nothing wrong with processing the client’s feelings and beliefs– your job is not to shield them from anything, it’s to help them walk through whatever their current experience is.

Your boundaries are not only important to protect the best interests of your clients, they also  protect you. You have to decide how far you are willing to bend your sense of self to keep a job. For example, I have come to the realization that I am simply not willing to work in a setting with intolerant policies. I will not work anywhere that requires me to sign a so-called “morality clause” or that cites conservative principles in their administration procedures. This is a two part decision for me – one, I just don’t want to be in an environment where I feel scared to be me, but I also firmly believe in body- and sex-positivity, celebration of creative and free expression, and acceptance of diversity. I am dedicated to creating meaningful work for myself and others, and I don’t want my effort and energy to contribute to intolerance. There are lots of other areas that you may discover are “make or break” for you – pay attention to these and honor them for yourself.

On another note, I want to point out that burlesque is not an all-or-nothing deal. If you’ll think of it on a continuum rather than a dichotomy, you’ll probably have better luck working out where you fit. There are so many ways to be involved in burlesque, and not all of them require you to take your clothes off. If you find that you don’t want to strip, learn a new talent like magic, juggling, tap dancing, or telling bawdy jokes. Stay involved by being a stage kitten, a production assistant, or a crafter. If you do want to show boobies it doesn’t mean you have to be front and center all the time. You may decide that local shows every once in a while are enough to keep you happy. Or, you may feel strongly that you want to be totally invested and pursue festivals or titles or out-of-town gigs, which is okay too. What matters most is that you’re deliberate about your decisions.

I teach undergraduate and graduate coursework in psychology, social work, and women’s studies. This requires me to walk a careful line between my worlds, but they no longer feel in conflict the way they once did. Even though I am not always out about being a performer, I always bring my beliefs about sex positivity, empowerment, and self-love to the classroom. Last year I had the opportunity to teach a workshop about burlesque and body shame to a graduate-level Expressive Arts Therapy class. The students and professor were delighted with the workshop and we spent several hours coming up with ways we could use the principles of burlesque with clients. No, we’re not teaching clients to twirl tassels, but we are modeling radical body acceptance, generous spirit, creativity without judgment, body movement for well-being, and social support and love. We also decided that a little glitter and glue can make a blue day much better, no matter who you are!

I remember when I first started working on integration, I felt like it was too big to handle. I felt like there was this looming disaster right around the corner, and every exciting new opportunity that arose for me also came with a deeper sense of fear. I worked (and continue to work) closely with a therapist who understands my goals and has helped me process each new experience as it comes up. And that’s my final thought for you – don’t tackle this as one giant problem. Take each day at a time, make the best decision you can in each moment, and trust that you will also be able to make the best decisions you can in future moments.

Value your gifts. Your clients are lucky to have you.

Warmly,

The Lowbrow Lowdown

By: Femme Vivre LaRouge

This month I’ve decided to make it a double feature…and the theme is the roaring twenties!

Film Recommendations:

First up for film is 1927’s It, the movie that made Clara Bow the very first ‘It Girl,’ and Hollywood’s first mass-marketed sex symbol.  So, what is ‘It?’  As Elinor Glyn (whose novelette the film was modeled after) defined it, “‘It’ is self-confidence and indifference to whether you are pleasing or not, and something in you that gives the impression that you are not all cold.”  Basically, ‘It’ is animal magnetism.  While I see the merit in silent films, they usually don’t hold my attention, but Clara Bow’s charisma, vivid facial expressions, excellent comedic timing, and dynamic screen presence is just entrancing.  Bow appeared in 46 silent films and, although she was one of the few to successfully make the transition to talkies, she preferred the action-oriented silents, which better suited her spunky character and spontaneous acting style (extra cameramen were usually set up for her scenes to catch her unpredictable actions).  In 1931 she walked away from the film business; however, during her time as a Hollywood starlet, she was the subject of many a scandal, some probably true and many more likely not.  (For more info on Bow, try Clara Bow: Runnin’ Wild by David Stenn.)  Also, rumor has it that the character of Peppy Miller in recent Academy award nominee, The Artist, was largely inspired by Miss Bow, as was cartoon favorite, Betty Boop.

Next up for film is the modern-made, The Cat’s Meow, released in 2001 and set in 1924.  Although embellished, the story is based on a fated night aboard newspaper tycoon, William Randolph Hearst’s yacht.  Kirsten Dunst is charming as Marion Davies, Ziegfeld girl, silver screen actress, and long-time mistress to Hearst, and Eddie Izzard plays Charlie Chaplin (no introduction needed).  Directed by Peter Bogdanovich, The Cat’s Meow stages one of the jazz age’s most famous Hollywood legends.  The gist of the story is that Hearst, although married himself, jealously guarded Davies, and suspected her of carrying on with Chaplin behind his back, prompting him to shoot a man he mistook for Chaplin, in a fit of rage.  However, the man turned out to be producer Thomas Ince, who died the following day, although the official record states that his death was due to a heart condition, which followed an attack of acute indigestion.  Hearst was never charged, but the story lived in infamy as another of Hollywood’s great scandals.  Regardless of whether or not Ince was really shot aboard the yacht, the film is an admirable piece of work.

Book:

This month’s literary adventure also involves murder, and even an appearance by William Randolph Hearst, but in this case it’s girl gunners, and they definitely did some time.  Douglas Perry’s The Girls of Murder City tells the story of the real murderesses that the musical, Chicago, was based on.   This non-fiction book reads like a novel, with titillating new details at the turn of every page.  The book chronicles the lurid details of each girl’s crime and trial, the all- male juries’ reluctance to condemn a woman (especially if she was young and attractive) to the same sentence a man would receive, and the ingenious ways that lawyers, the media, and the women themselves played on that weakness.

It amazed me to find how much of the musical was actually based in truth, or at least the same version of the truth that the media was selling at the time it was all happening.  This 1924 spree of shootings by women, targeted at their husbands or lovers, unsettled a society already in the midst of the upheaval of traditional gender roles.  Furthermore, it illustrated the trend of treating criminals with the utmost célébrité.  The play was written by Maurine Watkins, herself an unusual character and one of the first women to break into the field of crime reporting, and it is her dramatized account of women she actually interviewed.  Aside from immense Broadway popularity, there have been no less than four film versions of the show since 1927, the most recent winning the 2002 Academy Award for Best Picture.

Music:

This month for music we have 1920s singer/actress, Helen Kane, the original ‘Boop Oop a Doop’ Girl.  It should come as no surprise that Kane was also influential in the creation of the Betty Boop character (who, by the way, was originally drawn as a canine before she morphed into a cute girl with big hoop earrings, if you’ve ever wondered why her head has such a strange shape).  In fact, Kane sued Paramount over it in 1932, charging unfair competition and wrongful appropriation in the cartoons.  After all, Kane’s signature song, I Wanna be Loved by You, also became Boop’s signature song.  Beginning on the vaudeville circuit and working her way through Broadway and Hollywood, Helen Kane was a cult sensation, spurning numerous look alike contests.  She recorded 22 songs in 2 years, delighting fans with her bubbly, coy voice and blending of popular music styles.

For a modern chanteuse without the hiccuping and scat of Helen Kane, I recommend giving Janet Klein a listen.  I absolutely adore her work, which so far includes six albums.  Not only is she cute as a button and a fine ukulele player, but she is diligently working to preserve a portion of American popular culture that has been shunted aside.  As Klein has stated, she sings “obscure, lovely, and naughty songs from the 1910s, 20s, and 30s.”  Her backing band, The Parlor Boys, range from 6-12 musicians at any given time, and the group travels a great deal, performing at historical movie palaces and venues and doing extensive tours in Japan.  A poet, visual artist, and collector of vintage sheet music, Klein is dedicated to maintaining the authentic integrity of the songs she covers.  When asked in an interview with ‘Jazz Not Jazz,’ “Why do you want to recreate times gone by? And where do you see the relevance of this era for us today?” she answered beautifully with the following: “It is interesting that people ask this question. I wonder if historians are asked why they write books about the past or if they ask conductors why they put on concerts of classical music. For me, if there is such a thing as “progress” for societies, it seems that it has to include looking back as well as moving forward…and that it has to entail learning from and reflecting upon the past…and if we are smart, we’ll hang on to the good stuff and drag it with us into the future. The songs we do were not written so long ago, mostly written in America, yet they seem like music from a lost planet. There’s a familiarity and a strangeness that suggests something missing today.”  For more information about the lovely songstress and archivist, visit her website at: JanetKlein.com

Visual Art:

On to art of the visual variety- this month I’m highlighting famous pinup painter, Alberto Vargas.  Vargas created show posters for The Ziegfeld Follies and Hollywood, pinups for Esquire, and was one of the most copied artists for WWII nose art.  Hugh Hefner has written that the tantalizing cartoons and paintings Vargas did for Esquire nearly lost the magazine their USPS mailing permit, ending in a Supreme Court case and the decision to discontinue the use of Vargas’ artwork.  Later, Playboy began to print the artist’s famous ‘Vargas Girls.’  A remarkable portraitist, Vargas excelled in watercolor, which was his most used medium.  In 2003, a Christie’s auction resulted in the sale of one Vargas painting, Trick or Treat, for $71,600!  In 1930, he married Ziegfeld girl, Anna Mae Clift, and remained true to her until her death in 1974, after which he abandoned painting.  For the duration of their relationship, she was his model, manager, and muse.  A lovely resource for his work is Alberto Vargas: Works from the Max Vargas Collection by Reid Stewart Austin, with a foreword by Hugh Hefner.

My last recommendation for this month is Youth and Beauty: Art of the American Twenties, at the Dallas Museum of Art, opening to the public on March fourth and continuing through most of May.  The multi-medium exhibition is touring the nation, originating from the Brooklyn Museum.  It is described as “the first wide-ranging examination of American fine art from the end of World War I through the start of the Great Depression” and “will demonstrate how American artists of the period embraced a progressive, idealized realism visible in a resurgence of figuration and in highly distilled images of American places and things.”  I hope to see you there!