Lillith Grey has been lighting up the stage for over five years as a burlesque and fetish performer, musician, and emcee, and can frequently be found performing in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. She holds a master’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in education, and is currently completing her Ph.D. in psychology. She has worked as a psychotherapist, educator, and social justice advocate, and currently teaches at a local university while working on her research. She travels extensively, teaching classes and workshops on a variety of subjects including relationships, communication, trauma, body image, sexuality and gender, and diversity issues. Lillith is also active in the Leather community, serving on the NLA-International Writing Awards committee and as a co-chair for the Women’s International LeatherFest. Visit her at www.LillithGrey.com for more information.

Have a question for our new advice columnist?  Please title your email “Lillith- _subject___” and send to editor [at] pincurlmag [dot] com

Dear Lillith:

A close friend and I perform together at a lot of small burlesque and variety shows. We started burlesque together and have worked together ever since, but lately we are butting heads. I really love performing with her but I am worried that our friendship is suffering because we work together. What can I do to make sure both our friendship and performances are strong?

-          Torn in Texas

Dear Torn in Texas:

The blending of personal and professional roles can be really difficult, but it seems like you are committed to working it out, which is a great start. This issue impacts a lot of performers and producers – since we are such a small community, we end up blurring the lines between friendship and business, which can lead to ruffled feathers, minor tiffs, or even major conflicts.

Since you two started your performance careers together, then it makes perfect sense that you’d be butting heads now. Burlesque is an art form crafted by time – when you first started performing; you probably approached your acts differently than you do now. As you’ve become more experienced, you have likely developed your own style and your own way of doing things, both on and off stage. You’ve probably also realized how much work is involved, and you may be developing a better sense of how dedicated you want to be. This kind of growth and development is a really important part of each performer’s journey. Allowing each other the space to develop independently, even if it means in different directions, is a marker of a strong friendship.

Think about these as two distinct relationships: a personal relationship and a professional relationship. They certainly blur together at times, and that’s part of what makes it fun, but don’t forget that they are unique roles that should be nurtured equally. If you come to a point where you are unable or unwilling to continue attending to those roles, it may be time to consider letting go of one or both of them. Since it seems clear to me from your question that you are hoping to maintain that strong friendship and continue perform together as well, here are some pointers to help you along the way…

Know yourself

One of the most important things that you bring to the table as a friend and as a performer is your own level of insight. The more you understand yourself, the better able you are to communicate your own style and find ways to support each other. If you know that you tend to procrastinate, you can ask her for support and friendly reminders. If you prefer having written choreography rather than memorized, you can say that up front and avoid annoyances down the road. Do you prefer to start rehearsals immediately, or do you like to chat a bit before beginning? Simply knowing how you work best and letting the other person know, leaves a lot of space for compromise and mutual understanding.

Small conflicts are usually indicators of underlying frustration or anger. If seemingly trivial things feel more important than they should, you may need to do some deeper reflection on how things are going. For example, if you are frustrated that she tends to be a few minutes late to rehearsals, a deeper reason might be that you are feeling like she doesn’t care about your work together. If she thinks you are too controlling about the choreography, it may be because she feels like her voice isn’t heard in the creative process. Similarly, things can carry over from other parts of your relationship. If there is something going on in the friendship, that will show up in your work together, just like these work conflicts are showing up in your friendship. Having well-developed personal insight can help create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

Negotiate

Now that you’ve had experience as a performer, it’s probably time to renegotiate how you work together. Talk to each about what works and what doesn’t for you. How much time do you need to prepare for a show? How many rehearsals do you need? How frequently do you want to perform? Are you allowed to perform solo? With others? Do you consider this a hobby or a career? How do you want to brand yourself to your audience? Which shows will you be in? How much do you need to be paid? The list goes on and on…. Different performers have different preferences, but the problem comes when we don’t explicitly talk about these questions because we end up making assumptions about the other person’s wants and needs. Remember, if you’re going to work together, you’ll have to compromise, but it’s impossible to compromise if you don’t know what each person needs.

Having some level of personal insight will also allow you to negotiate your working relationship based on what your own needs and interests are. Talk about how you’re going to work together – if you are going to integrate social time with work time, decide how you will know when it’s time to work and when it’s time to play. I occasionally perform with a gal who has a “working notebook.” When the notebook’s out, it’s a signal that we’re talking business and we’re getting stuff done (usually while drinking wine and gabbing about whatever books we’re reading and our latest thrift store discoveries). When the notebook goes away, so does the business. It’s a nice way of integrating both while still being clear about boundaries and roles.

Communicate Effectively

Effective communication happens in person. Most of the time email and text do nothing to reduce tension or clear up misunderstandings. Instead, they perpetuate misunderstanding and create unnecessary conflict. A healthy dialogue allows space for complexity, clarification, non-verbal cues, emotional expression, and nuance, and it has a sense of give and take in the moment. Email and text offer none of those things. Emoticons don’t count as sharing your feelings.

Also, keep your drama offline. Keep. Your.Drama.Offline. Facebook and Twitter lull us into believing that we are just venting to our friends when we post overly emotional or derogatory messages online. We also tend to not recognize when we are creating or perpetuating drama because it feels so personal and so relevant at the moment we post it. The truth is that it comes across as inappropriate and disrespectful. It’s not only unprofessional; it’s also hurtful to your friendship. At tempting as it is, when in conflict you must avoid technological communication!

Another major pitfall in communication is passive aggression. This is a big one that a lot of women in our culture struggle with. Think about how kids are socialized, generally speaking: boys tend to settle their differences physically or verbally, and are encouraged to be assertive and stand up for themselves. Girls, on the other hand, are typically expected to be nice and gentle, so the necessary assertion of boundaries and needs has to occur in passive ways.

When you write a post on Facebook about “someone” doing something to you, when you make snarky comments about something rather than just confronting it head on, or when you tell lots of other people about a private conflict, you are acting out your aggression in a passive manner. This is particularly hard to deal with when you’re on the receiving end of it because it leaves you feeling unable to protect yourself – you know you’ve been attacked, but the manner in which it was done makes it hard to defend yourself. Dismantling passive aggression takes special attention, since many of us have had it ingrained in us since birth. Learning to communicate assertively and directly (albeit gently and kindly!) will smooth things out considerably.

It’s not show friends, it’s show business

I think one of the most difficult things about this art form is the financial side – this is an expensive lifestyle, with very little tangible reward. Whether you’re performing or producing (or both!), you have undoubtedly invested money – perhaps even a lot of money – into your work. Money is so important in our lives – when we talk about money we’re also talking about our personal sense of security, which can be a scary thing to feel unsure about. Many of us get very protective over that part of our lives, and understandably so.

If your friend is producing a show or bearing any sort of financial responsibility for more than just herself, it’s important that you realize how intense that is. At face value, it may seem simple – just rent a venue, hire performers, and sell tickets, right!? WRONG! Not only is event production much more expensive and complex than it seems, there’s also a great deal of emotional cost as well. When a producer signs a contract accepting financial and legal responsibility for a show; that’s a lot of weight. Depending on how big that weight is, she might have to make some decisions that you don’t agree with. It is important for you to recognize that when her money is on the line, her role has to be a professional first.

Even if she’s not a producer, she’s still investing money, time, and energy – and these are valuable resources!  You may have different ideas about how much of those things you are willing and able to invest in your work. You may have different plans about where you hope your path will take you. All of these “big picture” issues end up being manifested in small things, like how much time someone can spend rehearsing or how far they are willing to drive. If you can have a dialogue with her about where you see yourselves going and how you each intend to get there, you’ll have a better understanding about the physical, financial, and emotional cost of performance.

Moving forward

Power struggles are tough, but the good thing is that it means you both have strengths and are willing to be assertive about them. Many times when you end up in a power struggle, you miss the fact that the other person may have ideas that compensate for your weak points.  If you put down your boxing gloves for a minute, you can turn the situation into something that benefits of both you. For instance, if you butt heads about the creative direction an act will take, you might take turns being the “artistic director” for your acts. If you have conflicts about how the business side is being handled, talk about it and decide who will handle what aspects of the management. Maybe when one of you is creative director, the other can take on the business side (i.e. handling communication with producers, taking care of music prep, handling payment, etc.).

If it turns out that you are on two different paths, or if you continue to have conflict that cannot be resolved, then you may need to mutually renegotiate your working relationship in order to save your friendship. That does not mean you have to stop working together, but it might mean that things have to change. As you consider making a big change like that, remember that the development, growth, redefinition, and sometimes even the ending of a relationship can be a very healthy and empowering process for everyone involved. When you find that you are able to speak your truth and hear your friend’s truth without judgment, you’ll be able to navigate the waters of the personal and the professional with ease.

Fetish Model & Performer, event producer, and Texas Pin-Up Model of the Year 2011 (Hot Rods and Heels), Courtney Crave is amazing both on stage, and in the kitchen.  She is kind enough to share her favorite seasonal recipes with Pin curl Magazine monthly.  For more on Miss Crave, please visit her at GermanDreamGirl.com.

Cherries in Wine Sauce

Somewhere in the back of my head I am slightly aware of the fact that not everyone likes chocolate.  However baffling this may be to me as a self diagnosed chocoholic, I want to provide a Valentine’s Day recipe for those special people.  So no one has to open another heart shaped box of truffles and say; “Chocolates, for me?  You shouldn’t have.  No really, you shouldn’t have.”  This also happens to be one of my favorite desserts from my childhood.  Let that sink in as you realize that most of the recipe is alcohol based.

Ingredients

• 2 cups dry red wine, such as Chianti or Merlot
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 strips (3 inches by 1 inch each) orange peel
• 1 cinnamon stick
• 1 ½ pounds dark sweet cherries (the big juicy plump ones)
• Whipped cream (real whipped cream)

Directions

• Bring wine, sugar, orange peel and cinnamon to a boil in a 4 quart saucepan over medium-high heat.  Allow to boil for about 5 minutes then cool to room temperature.  Put the cherries in a large bowl or storage bowl with a lid and pour the wine mixture on top.  Cover the cherries with wine sauce tightly and chill in the fridge for at least 4 hours.  This can actually sit in the fridge for up to 2 days, the longer in the fridge, the more the wine becomes infused in the cherries.  Serve by ladling the cherries and sauce into dessert bowls and top with whipped cream (real whipped cream, nothing that comes in a can tub in the frozen section).  You’re also left with a wonderful cherry wine sauce to pour over ice cream or just drink straight.

Love Potion #9

I stumbled across this delicious drink while researching romantic cocktails that require a little more planning than “pour champagne in glass, add strawberry.”  Don’t get me wrong, I love my champagne, but this year I thought we could kick it up a notch for that special someone in our lives (even if that special someone happens to be yourself).

Ingredients

• 1 oz strawberry, vanilla, or regular vodka (my personal favorite for this is whipped cream vodka)
• 1/2 oz white crème de cacao
• 1/2 cup fresh or frozen strawberries
• 1 scoop of vanilla ice cream
• 1/2 cup ice
• Strawberry for garnish

Directions

• Pour all ingredients into a blender and blend until totally smooth.  If you prefer a thicker frozen cocktail add more ice or ice cream.  If you prefer a thinner one add more berries or milk.  Pour the mixture into a chilled margarita glass and garnish with strawberry slices.

Editor’s Note: New Year’s is a time for resolutions and goal setting.  Why not make better communication and improving backstage demeanor one of them?  When we heard about Lori Madison’s “That’s My Boa Betch!” presentation at Burly Con 2011, we thought she would be the perfect gal to teach us how to reach that goal.

That’s My Boa Betch!: Your Inner Diva Strikes Back

by Lori Madison

Show day. In a whirlwind of sequins and eye lashes you rush out the door. To cool your heels, you mark your choreography on the ride over to the club. Call time. You are informed that the venue doesn’t allow glitter dumps. Panic makes its home in your chest as you realize the punch line to your act is all but ruined. 20 minutes to curtain. You and five of your colleagues are crammed into a space no bigger than a walk in closet with one mirror and a single halogen work lamp to share. The mix of nervous energies sucks the air from the room like carbon dioxide seeping from a rusted tail pipe. One of your cast mates decides to calm herself by singing loudly and slightly out of tune while painting her pout. Her seemingly joyous squeals seem more like nails on a chalk board to your ear. 10 minutes to curtain. A breath of fresh air and a potty break are in order. Upon your return you are stunned as you round the corner to find the lovely songbird indulging herself in a dance with your custom made ostrich boa. A heat builds in your stomach and rises to your throat. With all of your might you try to squelch it but it’s too late. The flames come roaring from your mouth charring the unsuspecting ego of your cast mate and singeing innocent bystanders in your wake. “That’s my boa betch!” An awkward silence fills the room. Your inner diva has reared her ugly head, stunning those around you into an uncomfortable submission to your will. But the show must go on. Making a special appearance tonight, a big, fat, pink elephant!

All too often, so many of us have been on the receiving end or the instigator of a similar scenario. Many performers push hard on their own personal boundaries each day while striving for growth and progress in their craft. We delicately balance emotions and rational while walking a very fine edge. Back stage antics and troupe dynamics can create unexpected challenges. A slip to the wrong side of the edge can easily cause a girl to flip her wig. Let’s face it, being a showgirl is less than glamorous. It’s really hard work. But we all can agree that blowing your top like a volcano is no solution to a difficult situation. Explosive communication creates distance between you and your colleagues . It ultimately leaves you feeling deflated. With the same dedication we apply to our creative pursuits, we can learn to become skillful communicators without disrespecting our colleagues or ourselves.

The first step in transforming our unskillful way is to recognize the commonalities between us. What makes life more fabulous? Not just for ourselves but for those around us? Joy. Joy is the thing that all beings seek. We seek it for ourselves and we seek to bring it to others. Perfect! That’s why we all became glittering burlesque stars right?! So what’s the problem? Why do we claw each other’s eyes out if we seek the same thing? Your idea and her idea of joy may not be the same thing. So there you are standing on two different sides of the same dressing room, having two different experiences, while a deep ravine of misperception divides you. Only one choice for a real solution exists: To build a bridge of compassion. By building that bridge you begin to recognize language that actually blocks compassion. Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD, founder of The Center for Nonviolent Communication and the author of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, suggests that moralistic judgments, blame, insults, comparisons, diagnoses all block the flow of compassion from one heart to the next. The use of phrases such as “makes me feel like” or “have to” clouds our awareness of personal choice in our feelings. Requests as demands threaten the listener with blame or punishment if they fail to meet your request. By allowing a brief moment of self-reflection:  “What will make life more fabulous for myself and my colleague?” the river of compassion will flow from heart to heart, allowing you to communicate your needs more efficiently.

Once the river is flowing, you can use Nonviolent Communication as an effective tool by dividing your communication into four components: Observations, Feelings, Needs, and Requests. Like any healthy tree, your tree of communication must have healthy roots. Most of us entangle our observations with judgments causing others to hear criticism. “That’s my boa betch!” The use of the word “betch” is clearly an evaluation based upon an uninformed surface level response.  Back to square one, shouting at your colleague across the ravine. By separating observation from evaluation you can focus on the facts. You observed your colleague dancing with your boa. This does not make her a “betch.”

Now that you have your facts straight you can clearly identify your true feeling around the conflict. “That’s my boa betch!” was stated out of an emotional response but does nothing to communicate how you were feeling when you saw her with the boa. In fact, that statement will likely escalate her to a reactionary state in return. Angry, frustrated, agitated, nervous are all very clear identifications of feelings, however the way you incorporate them into your speech affects how the listener will hear them. “You make me angry when you play with my boa” is a common way one may choose to communicate a feeling. The use of the phrase “you make” distracts responsibility away from you, the feeler, and places the blame solely on your colleague. By simply stating “I feel angry” or “I am angry because you are dancing with my boa” your colleague will  more likely hear your needs and request.

By taking responsibility for your feelings you can begin to understand the root cause for your reaction. You had a need which was unexpressed and unmet. Before we identify the need, let’s examine the events leading up to the appearance of your inner diva. Nerves were already on edge as you rushed from the house to the venue. Upon arrival, a sense of control was taken from you when you were told you could not use glitter in your act. As you entered the dressing quarters your personal bubble was invaded by the squawking of your boa dancing nemesis. Agitation had been building long before you observed her with your boa. So what was the need? It was a need for order, a need for organization, a need for control, a need for respect. You may choose to acknowledge your need by stating, “I feel angry when you dance with my boa because you don’t respect me.” The observation of the action and the feeling were both clearly communicated without judgment, however the need was not. Stating “because you don’t respect me” makes a judgment about your colleague’s opinion of you. A more effective way to communicate your need might be to state “When I see you dancing with my boa I feel frustrated because I need respect for my personal space.” This statement extends the bridge of compassion across the ravine to your colleague who is now more likely to hear you because she can relate to the need for personal space.

With all this beautiful communication you’ll be winning the award for Miss Congeniality in no time! But not so fast, it’s time to put your new found skills to the test by making a request. Consider using positive action language and be as specific as possible. Ask for what you want; don’t ask for what you don’t want. “Don’t play with my boa” would be the common request from the untrained glitterati. But remember your original intention. How can life be more fabulous? A more effective request may be “I would like for you to ask my permission before touching my personal belongings.” This lets the listener know exactly how she can help make your world more fabulous. This statement leaves some room for you to make her world more fabulous too. It implies that for her to experience your luscious boa all she need do is ask for permission. Once the request is made, allow space for your colleague to respond to what you’ve said. This creates an opportunity to be sure that your request has been received clearly. You may gain better understanding for why she chose to dance with your boa without seeking permission. Be aware that requests can quickly turn into demands when you judge or criticize your colleague’s response. Be prepared to let go of any expectation. The goal of Nonviolent Communication is not to get your way, but to learn to communicate without disrespecting yourself or those around you.

“When I see you dancing with my boa I feel frustrated because I need respect for my personal space. I would like for you to ask for my permission before touching my personal belongings.” The bridge has been built and both parties now have the opportunity to cross freely from one side to the next and back again. This is open dialog.  When you feel the fires of frustration churning in your stomach, stop, close your eyes and breathe. Your inner diva speaks to you with wisdom. “I have a need; a need for my world to be more fabulous.” Open your eyes and acknowledge that your colleague has an inner diva too, and she’s saying the same thing.

Sources

Rosenberg, PhD, Marshall B. Nonviolent Communication: A Language for Life

Encinitas: Puddle Dancer Press 2003

Rosenberg, PhD, Marshall B. Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

Encinitas: Puddle Dancer Press 2005

Lori Madison is a pioneering burlesque performer, producer and educator residing in Portland, Oregon. Relying on her BA in music performance, Miss Madison has successfully produced an extended run of her one woman show Madison Moone’s Burlesque Revue and currently co-produces Orchestre L’Pow! presents Dames and Games and Orchestre L’Pow! presents Big Time Burlesque. As a soloist she has performed as Madison Moone on premier Northwest stages such as The Triple Door, The Rosehip Revue, The Bossanova Ballroom, The Can Can Cabaret, and Dante’s. As an educator, Miss Madison has been operating a busy private music lesson studio for the past fifteen years, as well as being currently enrolled in a 500 hour yoga alliance training program while volunteer teaching for the revolutionary nonprofit organization Street Yoga.   Lori Madison leads burlesque performance workshops at She Bop in Portland, Oregon; she presented her revolutionary workshop That’s My Boa Betch! at BurlyCon 2011 in Seattle, WA.

January is time for new beginnings, self-improvement, resolutions, and a fabulous time to focus in on your burlesque business. What’s the number one representation of you and your business? Your website! Here are the basics to developing an effective DIY website in five manageable steps:
1. Step One: Realize that you need an actual website. Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and whoever else does not count as a website! As a producer I do not want to have to log in, friend you, or sift through a ton of crap I don’t need (your birthday party photos) just to find the information I do need. I want to learn about you as effectively and efficiently as possible- and that’s certainly not a social networking site. Social networking is incredibly important- but does not replace an actual website. MORE
2. Step Two: Buy a domain name. This is super cheap- less than $20 a year.
A. There are a million arguments about this and you can research the pros and cons on your own, but a .com address far beats out any other address you can have (.org, .co, etc) Why? Because everyone has been conditioned to type .com after everything.

B. What if your burlesque name- Jane Doe isn’t available? Try JaneDoeBurlesque.com or JaneBurlesque.com or any one of a number of combinations that fit your name, persona, profession, and location or some well-thought out combination of the previously mentioned items.
3. Step Three: Buy hosting. In short, without hosting, no one can view your site. I like cheap, reliable, and good customer service. For that reason I like GoDaddy- but there are hundreds to choose from. Either online or by phone, let them know you now own JaneDoe.com and would like to host it. For around $49 a year you will have JaneDoe.com live on the internet. Usually there is a “this website is parked” page until you actually upload content.
4. Step Four: Pick your poison. If you are determined to do it yourself, and have zero desire to learn html, the easiest and fastest solution is a template. There are a million to choose from, ranging from free to $100 a year and up. You can choose Weebly, Wordpress, Squarespace, or anyone of a wide range of options. Depending on your choice the options will be as follows:
A. You will set up a redirect. For this option you will choice a template and upload all of your information and design your site. When you have it to your liking, you may be stuck with a long address like www.janedoe.weebly.com – no one will remember that & it’s too damn long for a business card. A redirect is your solution. Inform GoDaddy (or whoever your host is) that you would like JaneDoe.com to redirect to www.janedoe.weebly.com This means that the user will type in JaneDoe.com and be magically taken to the new longer address without them doing anything else- brilliant!
B. The second option is that you have downloaded a template, plugged in your information, and now have to upload it appropriately. If you selected a good hosting company, they will walk you through the process (the process is different for every company) either online or by phone, and you will have your new site up and running!
5. Step Five: Content. So what does every effective burlesque website need? [Pin-Up Models have different needs. Click HERE for more for models.] As a producer, there are six simple things I want to know:
A. Who are you? I want a bio and a professional photo. MORE ON SUCCESSFUL PHOTOS I don’t want some fairy tale type bio about how you were raised by wolves, or magically appeared on a seahorse (both examples are actually taken from burlesque bios) I want where are you from, what is your style, what is your signature number, where have your performed, how much experience do you have. A successful bio can be anyway from one to three paragraphs. Be concise, informative, and let your personality shine through. Are you a comedian? Then your bio should be funny.
B. Videos. I am amazed at how many performers don’t have videos on their site. I need videos! I want to know how good you are, what’s your range, and if you have any numbers in your arsenal that fit what I am looking for. If I’m a fan- I want to watch my favorite performances over and over. What do I not want to do? Search through countless craptastic videos on YouTube looking for a decent performance of yours. Think about it- every schmuck who’s ever filmed you with a camera phone anywhere you’ve ever been has tagged you in their video on You Tube. I don’t want to have to watch all of that to get to the one acceptable video of you. Post the videos you want me to watch on your site, so I don’t judge you by the crappy ones.
C. Performance Menu. What are the numbers you are known for? Do you have something that fits the show I’m currently booking? What’s your arsenal or performance resume? Provide a photo, description, and video (of possible) of each number.
D. Gallery. I want photos of you, both live performance shots and studio shots. Of course, low res photos are plentiful and pleasing to the fan, but as a producer- you can save yourself a whole lot of time, if you have high res photos available for download on your site. Jonny Porkpie does this really well EXAMPLE Here I can download images that I know are ok to use in promotions (posters, media, flyers, etc) and I don’t have to bug him at all- simply choose the ones I want and grab ‘em. More on high res
E. Contact Info. I want to know every way to get a hold of you as quickly and obviously placed as possible. If media should go one place, and bookings go one place, and fan mail another- I want to know all of that.
F. Past Media Coverage. Is there a fabulous quote about you floating in the media or a previous interview? I want to know that so I can use it in my press release. Is there a hilarious tagline someone in the press gave you, or a particularly informative interview? Post links so I can read it and pull from it.
**Keep ‘em coming back!: So you have your website and you’re super proud of it- good job! Now how do you keep people coming back again and again? There are a few keys to this, the first being a blog. Having a blog embedded in your site (Wordpress has good options for this, as do countless others) gives fans a reason to keep coming back again and again, while giving producers a good feel for who you are. The second most important tool is new and fresh photos. Keep adding to your low res gallery, while losing the stuff that is old or outdated. This keeps things fresh and makes you appear on top of your game. MORE

Fetish model and performer Courtney Crave is not only Texas Pin-Up Model of the Year 2011, as crowned at Hot Rods and Heels, she is a wiz in the kitchen- and she’s kind enough to share her amazing recipes (and their vegan counterparts) with us every month in Cooking with Courtney Crave!

Fudge

So much was going on with the holidays; spending time with family, avoiding being mauled by mobs while shopping, wrapping gifts, mandatory party appearances.  Want to make something yummy and simple to treat yourself for surviving that whole ordeal?  Fudge!

Ingredients

• 1 cup chocolate chips
• 1 cup butterscotch chips
• 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1 cup chopped pecans*

*Nuts are entirely optional, any type of nut will work but I prefer pecans or hazelnuts.

Directions

• Take a 9×9 inch baking dish and butter the inside.  In a double boiler on medium heat melt the chocolate and butterscotch chips and condensed milk until the mixture is smooth.  Take the mixture off the heat and add the vanilla and chopped nuts.  Pour or scoop the entire mixture into the baking dish and spread evenly.  Let it sit in the fridge about 10 minutes or until completely set.  Cut into squares and share with friends!  Or don’t, they’ll never know.

Hot Toddy

Baby, it’s cold outside.  And I know some of you like consuming cocktails just as much as I do, but at this time of year I want my hands to be warm.  There is nothing glamorous about enjoying a beverage in the mittens your great aunt Mabel knitted you with the little snowmen on them.  So I this winter I suggest that you try a classic favorite, the Hot Toddy (also great for fighting off colds, don’t take my word for it, I’m not a doctor, I just dress up like one onstage).

Ingredients

• 1 oz (2 tablespoons) bourbon*
• 1 tablespoon mild honey
• 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
• 1/4 cup boiling-hot water
• Freshly grated nutmeg

*Scotch whiskey or brandy can also be used instead of bourbon.

Directions

• Combine bourbon, honey, and lemon juice in a mug or toddy glass.  Add the hot water and mix until the honey is dissolved completely.  Garnish with a little freshly grated nutmeg.  Take off mittens and enjoy.

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Schlep Sisters Darlinda Just Darlinda & Minnie Tonka. Photo: Clint Hild

Shalom! It’s December, which means it’s Hanukkah time! We, The Schlep Sisters, Minnie Tonka and Darlinda Just Darlinda, are thrilled to share our secret Hanukkah recipes, crafts, and tips on how to help enhance your holiday season! Whether you’re a yeshiva bocher, an honorary Jew, or a bacon-loving Heeb, The Schlep Sisters Hanukkah Guide will titillate and inspire your holiday spirit. Come join us in the festivities!

Before we get started, we’d like to give you a brief overview of Hanukkah: Hanukkah commemorates the victory of the Jews over the Syrian Greeks in 164 B.C.E., and is celebrated by lighting a menorah (candelabra), for eight days, eating oily foods such as latkes (potato pancakes), and playing Dreidel (spinning top).

THE SCHLEP SISTERS HANUKKAH RECIPES

The Whirling Dreidel

Ingredients

• 1 cup Manischewitz
• 1/2 cup Slivovitz (plum Brandy, traditional Kosher-for-Passover drink)
• 1/2  - 1 cup orange juice, depending upon taste
• 2 cups soda (soda water, sprite, ginger ale, or 7 up) to taste
• 1 lemon thinly sliced with rinds
• 1 lime thinly sliced with rinds
• 1 cup chopped apple, pear, or plum
• 2 bottles Prosecco (a Schlep Sisters favorite!) or champagne, chilled

Directions

In a large pitcher, combine the Manischewitz, Slivovitz, orange juice, and soda. Stir.

Add fruit. Next, pour in the Prosecco and stir. Serve as is or on ice.

The Whirling Dreidel will have your head spinning and it’s a sure hangover; but,

wowza, it’s delicious!

Lusty Latkes

Makes about 25 potato pancakes in about 45 minutes

Ingredients

¾ lb potatoes, peeled and coarsely grated

¼ lb sweet potatoes, peeled and coarsely grated

1 large onion, finely chopped

1/3 cup all-purpose flour

2 large eggs, lightly beaten

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

3/4 cup vegetable oil

Directions

Stir together potatoes, onion, flour, eggs, salt, and pepper. Heat oil in a deep 12-inch nonstick skillet over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking. Working in batches of 4, spoon 1/8 cup potato mixture per latke into oil and flatten to 3-inch diameter with a slotted spatula. Reduce heat to moderate and cook until golden, about 1 ½ minutes on each side. Transfer latkes with spatula to paper towels to drain.

Serve with sour cream and Apple-Pear Saucy Schlep Sauce.

Apple-Pear Saucy Schlep Sauce

Ingredients

• 3 ripe Comice, Bosc, or Anjou pears, peeled, cored and quartered
• 3 apples (e.g., Royal, Gala, Granny Smith, etc.), peeled, cored and quartered
• 1/4 cup water
• 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 cup sugar, or to taste
• 2 tablespoons Slivovitz (plum Brandy, traditional Kosher-for-Passover drink)

Directions

Place all ingredients in a heavy saucepan and cover. Cook on medium-low heat until fruit is soft and starts to break down, about 12 to 14 minutes. Uncover and cook over medium-high heat until mixture thickens, about 5 minutes. Purée in a blender or food processor. If you like a chunkier saucy sauce, skip this step. Makes about 2 cups. Serve warm or at room temperature with Lusty Latkes.

THE SCHLEP SISTERS HANUKKAH GAME

Schlep Sisters Darlinda Just Darlinda & Minnie Tonka. Photo: Clint Hild

Strip Dreidel with The Schlep Sisters!

We’ve got an exciting new spin (pun intended) that combines strip teasing and the ancient Jewish game of spin the Dreidel – yep, you guessed it — Strip Dreidel!

The History of the Dreidel

The Dreidel isn’t only a fun holiday game it also has an important history! The Dreidel game harkens back to 164 B.C.E. when the Syrian Greek armies controlled the Holy Land (before the Jewish warrior Maccabees defeated them). The Syrian Greeks passed laws outlawing the study of Torah and other Jewish practices. It has been said that Jews played with the Dreidel in order to fool the Syrian Greeks if they were caught studying Torah. Therefore, once the Maccabees defeated the Syrian Greek armies, the game of Dreidel became a game of celebration, and is now a traditional Hanukkah game played all over the world!

The Hebrew word for Dreidel is sevivon, a spinning top. Dreidels have four Hebrew letters on them, which stand for the saying, “Nes gadol haya sham,” translating to “A great miracle happened there.”

While the Maccabees’ victory is viewed as a miracle in itself, the eight days of Hanukkah celebrate another miracle. In order to rededicate the temple after it had been desecrated, the menorah needed to be lit. However, there was only enough oil to light the menorah for one night. Supplies were scarce in and around Jerusalem after the war and it would take several days to bring more oil to the temple. The miracle of Hanukkah was that the small amount of oil found burned for eight days until more oil arrived. That is why Hanukkah is also called The Festival of Lights.

Note: In Israel, instead of the fourth letter shin (meaning “there”), the fourth letter is a there peh, (meaning “here”) –- the saying is “Nes gadol haya po”–“A great miracle occurred here.

So, now you’ve got the history…a smart stripper is a successful stripper!

What you’ll need:

- A minimum of four players

- At least 1 dreidel

- Lots of clothes. We recommend gathering up clothes that you’d like to donate and ask players to donate part or all of their winnings to tzedakah (charity). Look up your local donation centers.

RULES:

1. Make a large batch of The Whirling Driedel, The Schlep Sisters signature Hanukkah cocktail (see recipe on page above)

2. Start with as many clothes on as possible, it will make the game last longer and you’ll have more clothing to donate at the end of the night!

3. Each person adds some clothing to the communal pile.

4. There are four sides of the dreidel, from right: nun, gimmel, hey, and shin, take turns spinning the dreidel and when it lands on . . .

נ (Nun Yiddish for “Nothing”) – Take a sip of The Whirling Driedel

ה (Hay Yiddish for “Half”) – Take half of the clothing from the communal pile, another player(s), or some combination of the above.

ג (Gimmel Yiddish for “Everything”) – Claim everything from the communal pile of clothing.

ש (Shin Yiddish for “put in”) – Strip off 2 pieces of clothing and add to the communal pile.

5. Game lasts until everyone is naked or all participants are too drunk on The Whirling Driedel! Remember to also drink lots of water and eat the Lusty Latkes (The Schlep Sisters latke recipe) beforehand.

6. Whoever ends up with the most clothing is responsible for organizing the clothing donation!

Part II of the 2011 Schlep Sisters Hannukah Guide: Menorah Merkin

If you’re in NYC, be sure to check out our 5^thAnnual Menorah Horah Hanukkah show on Saturday, December 17, 2011 at the Highline Ballroom!

The Schlep Sisters are burlesque performers of the Jewish persuasion! Minnie Tonka and Darlinda Just Darlinda are long lost sisters who found each other while tracing the roots of Yiddish Theater and Vaudeville on the Lower East Side. Inspired by Manischewitz, the Barry Sisters, and Rock n’ Roll these ladies can cut a rug! They’ve been livin’ it up on stage together and captivating audiences across North America since 2004. From the New York and Toronto Burlesque Festivals to the Burlesque Hall of Fame in Las Vegas to the Key West Burlesque Holiday Extravaganza, and the USA’s Premier National Touring Burlesque Troupe, Dangerous Curves Ahead: Burlesque on the Go-Go!, these sassy sisters have so much love they schlep it all over the country! To keep up with The Schlep Sisters visit, www.schlepsisters.com.

Schlep Sisters. Photo: Don Spiro

THE SCHLEP SISTERS HANUKKAH CRAFT CORNER

Menorah Merkin/Hanukkah Hairpiece

Depending on what Hanukkah party you’re going to, you’ll want some holiday bling to stand out in the crowd! If it’s a family gathering your hairpiece will be the most festive fascinator at the party. If you’re planning a sexy date or a holiday burlesque act your merkin will remind your sweetheart or audience where to find the miracle of light!

SUPPLIES:

• Buckram (hat-making material; you can substitute with card stock or cardboard)
• Silver and/or gold fabric
• Red, orange, yellow and black tulle (optional)
• White, red, orange, yellow and blue sequins or crystals (it’s your choice, get creative!)
• Hot glue gun and extra glue sticks
• Beacon Gem-Tac (The Schlep Sisters preferred decorating glue)
• Menorah stencil (see attached photo, print out according to your sizing needs.)
• Hair comb (optional)

In honor of the eight days of Hanukkah, here are eight easy steps to making this interchangeable miraculous merkin/festive fascinator!

1. Print out your Menorah Stencil

Make this any size you want, you know how big your head/merkin area is!

2. Turn on your hot glue gun

It will take 1-5 minutes to heat up depending on your glue gun. Put the glue gun on top of a piece of cardboard covered in tin foil to prevent any mess on your table.

3. Prepping the base of the merkin/hairpiece

Print and cut out the stencil and trace it on to a piece of buckram. Cut the buckram and, voilà! You have a buckram menorah!

4. Glue and sew the comb to your buckram menorah (optional, you can also just pin your fascinator on with bobby pins):

Sew the comb to the buckram and reinforce with hot glue.

5. Glue buckrum to fabric

Using the hot glue gun, glue the buckram menorah to silver or gold fabric and trim off excess fabric. Let it cool to a warm (not hot) temperature. Then place and form it on your head/merkin area.

6. Decorate!

Use Beacon Gem-Tac to decorate your merkin/fascinator with sequins/crystals. It takes about 24 hours to dry, but it dries clear! Our preferred design is white for the candles, and red, orange and yellow for the flames. Blue to line the Menorah. Optional: add tulle to the flames to create a flowing fire/smoke look!

7. Wear it!

Wearing it as a merkin? Apply double-sided carpet tape to your merkin, remove the backing and apply to an (ideally) hairless merkin area. Please advise, we’re not advocating for a hairless bush. We just want to prepare you for the potential ouchies of taking off a merkin.

8. Werk it!

Wearing at as a fascinator? Style your hair or wig to showcase your beautiful locks. Attach your Hanukkah Hairpiece with bobby pins if you didn’t glue on a comb. You’ll be the shining light of the party!!

More Hannukah Fun with the Schlep Sisters

The Pin Curl Staff put our heads together and came up with the best gifts this holiday season for the pin-up or burlesque gal in your life. Happy Holidays!

We are completely in love with the gals at Sugarville Candles!  Their unique candles, lip balms, & body butters smell so delicious, they are hard not to eat & the adorable pin-up girl labels are to die for!  (S’mores and Birthday Cake are among our favorites!)

There are several burlesque autobiographies that scored high on our list of gift giving favorites.  Check out: Georgia: My Life in Burlesque by Georgia Sothern, And Men my Fuel by Lili St. Cyr, Tempest Storm: The Lady is a Vamp by Tempest Storm, Gypsy: Memoirs of America’s Most Celebrated Stripper, The Days We Danced: The Story of My Theatrical Family From Florenz Ziegfeld to Arthur Murray and Beyond Any of which are sure to please the bookworm on your list.

For the fashion diva, we like Elegance Navy Polka Dot Dress by Bettie Page Clothing, The Birdie Dress by PinUp Couture is a fabulous holiday party dress, and for underneath we adore the Bernie Dexter Tigress Garter Belt and matching bra by Lucy B.  The vintage lingerie selections sold by Shannon Doah at Vintage ShowGirl are not to be missed!

If you are looking more to decorate yourself from the neck up, we are head over heels for the work of Sharon Sullivan, the milliner and owner of Dream Hats!  Whether you are looking for the perfect pillbox, fedora, or fascinator from her amazing line, or a custom one of a kind creation, Dream Hats is the perfect choice!

For stocking stuffers or the collector in your life, we adore the series of pin-up and burlesque gal drinking and shot glasses.  The gals’ clothes disappear as you drink!

If those aren’t enough eye candy, there’s a fabulous collection of modern pin-up books out by photographers such as Viva Van Story, Gayla Patridge of 666 Photography, and Roy Varga available on Amazon.

If DIY is more your style, you’ll want to get to work on a Mikiphone- vintage or reproduction a Mikiphone is a nifty pocket phonograph popular in the 1920’s.  It fits into a canister just a little larger than a snuff can.  Certainly a lesson in patience and not for the novice builder, you can find plans and video online to build your own, or get lucky on Ebay! Either way you go, a wonderfully original gift for the music loving guy or gal in your life, and a superb conversation piece.

Of course, if you are looking for a practical yet fun gift that helps a good cause in the process, you’ll want to check out the 2012 calendars offered by pin-up centered non-profits such as Pinups for Pitbulls, The Pinup Angels, and Pin Ups for Vets.  What’s not to love about flipping through images of lovely ladies with big hearts? Each are changing the world one centerfold at a time.

Christmas wouldn’t be complete without a lot of booze. For December’s Drink of the month, it comes in the form of the Merry Christmas Cocktail!

Ingredients:

1 oz Plymouth Gin
1 oz cranberry juice
1 tsp lemon juice
club soda
fresh or dried cranberries for garnish

Preparation:

Pour the gin and juices into a Collins glass filled with ice. Stir. Top with club soda. Garnish with cranberries and mint.

Too drunk, lazy, or busy to make drinks one at a time for guests?  Try this fabulous Christmas punch!

Ingredients:

2 cups chilled unsweetened pomegranate juice

1 cup chilled cranberry juice

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice (2-3 lemons)

1 cup Cointreau or other orange flavored liquor

1 cup chilled club soda

1/2 cup simple syrup

Fresh Cranberries frozen in ice cubes for garnish.  (Stick 3-5 berries per cube mold in tray, top with water, freeze.)

Preparation:

Dump everything in but ice and stir.  Add ice.  Viola!

Customs By Cora – D.I.Y. Sewing and Crafting

Anyone who knows me knows I have a costuming compulsion…sickness…ok, possibly a serious problem. Thanks to Pin Curl Magazine, I now have an opportunity to share some of my madness with you. I hope that I can give you some ideas and information that will help you find new and fun ways to express yourself and make the world a more beautiful (or crazy) place…Enjoy!

Here’s Looking At You…The Googly Eye Series.

We all know that shoes covered in rhinestones are amazing. But, what about another material? In the middle of creating some new costumes for our yearly Zombielesqe show, one of my dancers sent me a picture of shoes that had goggly eyes on them. WHAT??? Googly eyes? This must happen!

I should say at this point that you can apply this whole column to rhinestones as well, but for this project, I was using goggly eyes.

Step 1- Grab a pair of shoes. Anyone who knows me, knows I have an entire room filled with costumes I have made and an embarrassing stock of materials I think I “might” use someday. Patent leather shoes are always my shoe of choice for these kinds of projects. With patent leather, I have had the best luck with glue adhering to both the shoe and the rhinestone. Plus, they are really affordable.

Step 2 – Make sure the surface of the shoe is really clean. I use Clorox Wipes, but then I use them for just about everything including taking makeup off my face (Insert horrified look here).

Step 3 – Once your surface is clean and dry, grab your supplies. In this case, eyeballs, a wax stick and glue. I used goggly eyes from Joann but I am sure you can get them just about anywhere and they are surprisingly cheap. My glue of choice for ANYTHING on a shoe or flexible surface is E-6000. E-6000 can be found in most craft stores. Warning: use E-6000 in a well ventilated room. The vapors can be pretty toxic, but, I have found nothing that works better. I use a wax ended stick from www.hotfixqueen.com to place the rhinestones/googly eyes. I understand that beeswax, museum wax and crayons also work. I’ll have to try that someday. But for now, I am sticking with what I have.

Step 4 – Pour out your goggly eyes into a small tray with sides. Anything will work, but I like a flat lid or something that will allow me to shake out the eyes/stones when they are not right side up. This flips them over rather than having to do it one at a time. I find this step saves me a lot of time.

Step 5 – Apply small dots of E-6000 wherever you want to put your embellishments. I do multiple dots at a time. Just make sure that you do it fast enough that the glue doesn’t dry before you get to it. Touch the top of the eyeball (yuck) with the waxy end of the stick and it will pick it up. Then gently press the bottom of the eyeball down into the glue. Try to get just the right amount of glue so it just barely comes out the sides. This will make the strongest bond.

Step 6 – Pour yourself a glass of wine and settle in. This is going to take a while…

Step 7 – Make sure when you are finished you give the glue at least 24 hours to cure and you will have an amazingly crazy pair of shoes!

But, I had leftovers….so…

An eyeball bra!! I took a bra (again from that room of craziness) and got to work. Note: a hard cup bra works best for gluing on any embellishments. I used the same application process and a few hours (and glasses of wine) later, I had eyes down where we always say they aren’t. Get it?

Another warning: the early feedback I have gotten is that men are freaked out by boobs staring back at them. So proceed with caution…and awesomeness.

Until next time…xoxo Cora Vette www.coravette.com